Online Humor

2008-01-09T16:32:00.000-08:00

Let's Have A Taser Party

Tupperwear is so yesterday and Mary Kay is so over done and useless for women who don't slab on a ton of make-up. So what are a bunch of gals to do on a meat market barless Friday night? Have a Stun Gun Taser party of course.

Pink_taser_potluck_partiesDana Shafman loves to get all taser happy about her taser parties where she spreads out Taser International's C2 "personal protector" weapons on a table and excitedly says "C'mon!" she says. "Give it a shot."

Dana Shafman is an independent entrepreneur who's been selling Tasers the way her mother's generation sold plastic food storage containers. "It's a girl power kind of thing," Shafman says. "You're kind of making a statement: I know I'm a woman. I know I'm the most sought after victim in regards to sexual assault, sexual abuse. So please stay away from me. If in the event you do come after me, I'm going to use my pink Taser to put you on the ground."

CNN
SOURCE

Microsoft Wants People Who Can Make

Life More Fun

2007-12-14T11:07:00.001-08:00

Cubicle Life doesn’t have to be so drag. Here is my favorites check out the rest at Wired

My SUPER favorite!

The Merger of Fashion and Technology

2007-12-11T14:06:00.000-08:00

Why soon to be former military soldiers should consider being a public education teacher

10) Your commander / your principal “I’m just following the rules!”

9) Co workers / fellow soldiers – your stuck with em so you might as well try to get along.

8) Sleep desperation – you wake up to every little noise you hear and wonder “is that gun fire?”

7) Long hours and little pay

6) What ‘off duty’ time?

5) Your always screaming at them (applies to both sides)

4) Sometimes ya just want to knock their block off (applies to both sides)

3) Language barrier - Both teenagers & those in anther country speak a different language

2) The cafeteria food is just as bad as military rations

Number one reason why soon to be former military soldiers should consider being a public education teacher

1) Field Combat in Iraq vs. Field Combat on high school campuses – what is the difference? The Location and the style clothing

2007-12-03T08:29:00.000-08:00

Because Bunnies are evil.

I love this video! If you like bunnies you may not want to watch this.

Animation Careers In Marketing

2007-11-28T07:35:00.001-08:00

You think your job sucks!

Court stenographer goes to jail and is under house arrest for working too slowly

SOURCE

Circuit Judge Charles Greene sent Ann Margaret Smith to prison for contempt of court in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, after she failed to finish typing a transcript needed for an appeal hearing for a convicted rapist.

To be fair, Greene did point out that Smith had failed to finish the transcript for several months now, and that she had been given a final deadline of last Friday – which she missed.

She then also failed to write up the transcript in time for her appearance on contempt of court charges.

Smith was eventually released from jail on Sunday night, after she told judge Greene that she couldn't do the work in prison because she was so worried about her three children at home.

The judge then relented, and allowed her out of jail – but immediately put her under house arrest until she completes the work.

Smith currently has around 400 pages of the 1,500 page transcript to go.

2007-11-27T15:02:00.000-08:00

The Top Ten “I don’t know what to say” Gifts by Sierra Night Tide

There are some things you just don't give as Christmas gifts. There are some things that boggle your mind when you see what you got as a Christmas gift…

“I don’t know what to say.”

Items such, as perfumed deodorant doesn’t count as a feminine product of luxury so no one should even try to classify this as ‘perfume’. Yet almost everyone has received that ‘I don’t know what to say’ gift.

This is the season for greed, out doing your relative or co worker and bottom lines, so join in the capitalistic fun by buying gifts that give that “I don’t know what to say” effect.

10) The Men of Mortuaries Calendar 2008
Website

Dig the men of Mortuaries – had to be said. These hawt bois are just dying to show you how much they dig their job. What is really cool is that the men are not all 21 to 25 years of age. Mr. October 2008 (my birthday month) Frank Campailla is a 50 year old hard body who “enjoys working with wood.” No Comment.

The money raised from the sale of this beautifully morbid but intriguing pin-up calendar of hunky morticians will benefit the KAMM Foundation, which provides care and help for those going through breast cancer treatment. So if the treatments don’t cure the cancer could one of these beefy hunky morticians to do the work in his Pin Up attire? I’m just asking…

Also available: T-Shirts and DVDs

9) Barbie USB Drive

Rip the head off the cute Barbie doll, and plug her into your PC.

8) Microsoft's horrible "Office Online Gift Guide"

* Traditional calendars for Excel, $7.50
* Make Flash presentations in PowerPoint

7) Chicken Pox Buddy
One of the most cutest diseases is now a cuddly wuddly stuffed sleeping toy. Who wouldn't love to sleep with chicken pox?

Giving it to someone that your not too close to? Even Better! Or you can give them the flu, not as pretty but he’s green!

Giant Microbes

6) The piece of jewelry that says it all. - The Stunning (Pepper Spray) Ring. From the website: a beautiful self-defense ring with pepper spray, offers safety, elegance and confidence close at hand. THE STUNNING RING, elegantly crafted in silver and gold plating with a genuine black onyx stone, is the perfect self-defense ring for women or men.

5) A framed Google Satellite map of their gift receiver’s house / apartment

I know exactly where you live, isn’t it cool! Look, in this picture it an even shows you sunbathing…

4) Pygmy Goat

From the website:
African Pigmy Goats are very small in size, averaging 15-20 inches tall at the shoulder. They provide small amounts of high quality milk but are considered a meat goat. Bucks are taller than does. The pygmy is small, cobby and compact and is not fine-boned like the dairy breeds or Nigerian Dwarfs. The head is dished-shape with medium-sized erect ears. They occur in a variety of colors, but most are grizzled colored. Muzzle, forehead, socks and dorsal stripes are all darker than the body and are shades of black or brown. This is one of the varieties of African Dwarf Goats, and it is very rare.

http://www.gotpetsonline.com/cgi-bin/Eware/view_ads.cgi?fcad_id=62524

3) Fetal Doll in Pink or Brown

I don’t think there is anything I could write that complements just how strange this is. The fact that this is not a gag gift is what makes it so strange and a bit creepy.

From the website: Includes realistically patterned and shaped placenta and cord, which has a snap fastener attachment to the doll.

Enough said.
http://www.birthsource.com/Scripts/prodView.asp?idproduct=139

2) Ugly Christmas Sweaters

Please be kind don’t give a ugly Christmas sweater to someone you actually like.
If you don’t like them than this is a great website to purchase their “I hate you” Christmas sweater.

1) Costco Caskets

The Edward Casket
There is no scientific or other evidence that any casket with a sealing device will preserve human remains.

2007-11-19T08:46:00.000-08:00

“The Geek ABC’s”

Geek A B C

2007-11-12T08:21:00.001-08:00

GotchaBox, Real Gift Boxes For Fake Products From The Onion

SOURCE: Laughing Squid

Arik Nordby has created the GotchaBox set, a series of realistic gift boxes for fake products, like the one for the USB Toaster, that are being sold by The Onion. The Art of the Prank will be profiling a new GotchaBox each day for the next several days.

2007-11-12T07:50:00.000-08:00

The Right Guy

Scam artists still at it

From Fulbert Djourou,

Good day and how are you?

First, I will like to introduce myself properly to you.My name is Fulbert Djourou, the only Son of Late Robert Djourou from Republic of Cote D'Ivoire, (Ivory Coast).I know it is normal and naturalfor you to wonder why I contacted for assistance in this transaction when we have not met each other before, I am pleading that you be patient with me because I have no choice than to do what I am doing now since it is the only way out of this problem I found myself based on the fact that most times in life, One must confide in another Person to survive,

I therefore decided to contact you to find a solution to my problem irrespective of the fact that we never knew each other, please do not misunderstand me since a journey of hundred miles starts with a step, I am therefore begging you to accept me with an open heart and mind,

It is the situation i found myself that made me to contact you and ask for your assistance. I am contacting you to assist me transfer the Sum of US$9,500.000.00, I inherited from my Late Father which he made from thesale of Crude Oil Business for investment in your Country under your Management while I continue my education because my education stopped abruptly due to the death of my Father.

My mother died after giving birth to me, so I never knew my mother.Behold, my only hope and courage in life which was my father was brutally killed by unknown assassins. Many thanks to you if you can help me as I would compensate you with a good percentage of the money which is negotiable after the money has been successfully transferred and confirmed in your account.

Thanks and God bless you as I wait for your urgent reply to enable medetail you properly about the transaction.reply at my secured email,(fulbertdjourou@shiopper.net)

Your's Faithfully,

Fulbert Djourou .

American women are not all Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears

2007-11-09T11:29:00.001-08:00

10 Worst Domain Name Choices

www.whorepresents.com - A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity.
www.expertsexchange.com - Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views.
www.penisland.net - Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island.
www.therapistfinder.com - Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder.
www.powergenitalia.com - Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company.
www.molestationnursery.com - And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales.
www.ipanywhere.com - If you're looking for computer software.
www.cummingfirst.com - Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church.
www.speedofart.com - Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers.
www.gotahoe.com - Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe?

2007-11-08T10:12:00.000-08:00

Stumble Upon Time Waster

I found this through a series of link searching and reading as I do every single day of my Monday through Friday life. There are days I just can’t think of a creative thing to write about or even research so I use time wasters to clear my head. Similar to people using coffee to clear the senses when smelling perfumes.

Here’s the deal.

Firefox has an application called Stumble Upon that allows users to randomly surf the web in different topics based on your preferences. On each website the user can then rate the website based on a thumbs up/thumbs down vote rating. Queen of Darkness blog is where I got the idea to do the same. She has reviewed more than 1,300 web sites and has commented on all or most of them. It sounds like a fun time waster so I figured I would follow her lead and do the same or at least the similar. What has she learned so far?

Things I Hate on the Internet

2007-11-07T11:06:00.000-08:00

Paris Hilton: Protect Alcoholic Elephants

Paris Hilton is helping the world be a better place by scolding locals in north-east India to lock up their booz!

Protect alcoholic elephants they don't know any better cries Paris. Her campaign to make the world a better place will be to promote the awareness of alholic elephants. Wow… I feel so much better, so enlightened.

The hotel heiress was horrified to discover 40 of the animals were electrocuted after drinking rice-beer, which is brewed by locals in north-east India. She says, "There would have been more casualties if the villagers hadn't chased them away. And four elephants died in a similar way three years ago. It is just so sad. The biggest problems are in Assam and Meghalaya. The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them."

Maybe that is the perfect job for her – to be a AA sponsor to alcoholic elephants.

She doesn’t say anything regarding making alcohol unavailable to her or young girls of India so I guess that means it’s like totally okay and it’s made from like rice so it’s like diet alcohol - that's Hot!

2007-11-05T12:05:00.000-08:00

Foreign Phrases For Things Americans Haven’t Named

The extraordinary variety of international speech is captured in Toujours Tingo, a new book which draws on more than 300 languages exploring the areas where English fails us.

My favorites:

Kaelling - Danish: a woman who stands on her doorstep yelling obscenities at her kids.

Pesamenteiro - Portuguese: one who joins groups of mourners at the home of a dead person, apparently to offer condolences but in reality is just there for the refreshments.

Okuri-OKAMI - Japanese: literally a "see-you-home-wolf". A man who feigns thoughtfulness by offering to see a girl home only to try to molest her once he gets in the door.

Kamaki - Greek: the young local guys strolling up and down beaches hunting for female tourists, literally "harpoons".

Giri-GIRI - Hawaiian pidgin: the place where two or three hairs stick up, no matter what.

Hanyauku - Rukwangali, Namibia: walking on tiptoes across warm sand.

Tartle - Scottish: to hesitate when you are introducing someone whose name you can't quite remember.

Vovohe Tahtsenaotse - Cheyenne, US: to prepare the mouth before speaking by moving or licking one's lips.

Prozvonit - Czech and Slovak: to call someone's mobile from your own to leave your number in their memory without them picking it up.

Hira Hira - Japanese: the feeling you get when you walk into a dark and decrepit old house in the middle of the night.

Shnourkovat Sya - Russian: when drivers change lanes frequently and unreasonably.

Gadrii Nombor Shulen Jongu - Tibetan: giving an answer that is unrelated to the question, literally "to give a green answer to a blue question".

Baling - Manobo, Philippines: the action of a woman who, when she wants to marry a man, goes to his house and refuses to leave until marriage is agreed upon.

Pisan Zapra - Malay: the time needed to eat a banana.

Physiggoomai - Ancient Greek: excited by eating garlic.

Gattara - Italian: a woman, often old and lonely, who devotes herself to stray cats.

Du Kannst Mir Gern Den Buckel Runterrutschen Und Mit Der Zunge Bremsen - Austrian German: abusive insult, literally "you can slide down my hunchback using your tongue as a brake".

(Should be used in America)

Layogenic - Tagalog, Philippines: a person who is only goodlooking from a distance.

Rhwe - South Africa: to sleep on the floor without a mat while drunk and naked.

Shvitzer - Yiddish: someone who sweats a lot, especially a nervous seducer.

Creerse La Ultima Coca-COLA EN EL DESIERTO - Central American Spanish: to have a very high opinion of oneself, literally to "think one is the last Coca-Cola in the desert".

Vrane Su Mu Popile Mozak - Croatian: crazy, literally "cows have drunk his brain".

Rombhoru - Bengali: a woman having thighs as shapely as banana trees.

Bayram Degil (SEYRAN DEGIL ENISTE BENI NIYE OPTU? - Turkish: there must be something behind this. Literally "it's not festival time, it's not a pleasure trip, so why did my brother-in-law kiss me"?

You can order a copy of Toujours Tingo: More Extraordinary Words To Change The Way We See The World by Adam Jacot de Boinod - published by Penguin Books - for the special price of £8.99 (rrp £10.99) inc FREE p&p. Call Mirror Direct on 0870 070 3200 or send a cheque/postal order to Mirror Direct PO Box 60 Helston, Cornwall TR13 0TP or order online at www.mirrorshopping.co.uk

2007-11-01T10:05:00.000-07:00

Gonorrhoea - The gift for the person who has everything

GIANTmicrobes has taken microscope images of viruses and turned them into larger than life -- soft cuddely toys.

"Scum" - The perfect parting gift when you break up with that miserable someone.

Included in the cuddly collection are dust mites, bedbugs, lice, sore throats (streptococcus), ear ache (S. pneumoniae) stomach ache (shigella), stomach ulcer, athlete's foot, bad breath (gingivalis), acne, rabies, black death and mad cow disease. They even have H.I.V. and Hepatitis! Each cuddle lovable disease is accompanied by an image of the real microbe it represents, as well as information about the microbe.

Ohhhh I want an Ucler!

I think I'll give one of my friends Chlamydia!

2007-10-29T15:12:00.000-07:00

Geeky Jack-o'-Lanterns

SOURCE: Wired

See More

2007-10-25T12:02:00.000-07:00

What is the fascination with bacon?

Bacon - Products made with or has a bacon flavor

Gummy Bacon

Bacon-flavored jellybeans

Chocolate-covered bacon

Bacon Exotic Candy Bar

Bacon Candy

Bacon Strips Bandages

Bacon Wallet

Bacon Air Freshener

Bacon Gift Wrap

Bacon bookmarks (yes the things you put in your books to save the page you read last)

Church of Bacon

Finally.... I saved the best for last

The Dancing Bacon

"It's Bacn!"

2007-10-17T14:33:00.000-07:00

OUT OF CHEESE

It is amazing how unaware some people can be. This little perl program allows you to set the "Ready Message" on HP printers to whatever you'd like. (if you want to run it under Windows, and don't know how, read this.) I wrote it after coming across the command in an HPPJL (HP Printer Job Language) reference manual I was reading for some reason that I now forget.

Well, of course I couldn't ignore such an opportunity, and it turns out to be a lot of fun. You can think up your own funny, confusing or scary messages. My personal favorite is "INSERT COIN" which fits perfectly on the small LCDs. You can even sit in sight of the printer and change the message while watching the reaction of your victim. Don't be surprised, though, if a large fraction don't even notice. I was quite surprised myself but, it appears, some people don't look at what is in front of them.

washort said...: Once in my foolish youth working as an intern in the IT department of a local hospital, I discovered the management console for all the printers. I set the ready text to "OUT OF CHEESE". Some poor nurse called the help desk _dreadfully_ confused shortly after. I confessed to my boss and he nearly exploded laughing. I don't know that I'll ever hear the end of it from him and his family. :)

SOURCE:Miscellany

2007-10-11T09:30:00.001-07:00

Cruel & Inhuman Animal Torture

Yes, that is a real dog. A real dog in serious need of
antidepressants.

UNDER THE SEA: Christy Van Cleave, of Escondido, turned her dog Jack into a Poodles Under The Sea theme.

Jack: Kill me... please .... throw sticks and expect me to retrieve them, tell me I can't chase the cat and even make me fetch your smelly slippers but this is too much torment, please kill me.

2007-10-05T16:47:00.001-07:00

Worst USB Gadget Yet: Decapitated Teddy Bear

2007-10-02T15:13:00.000-07:00

Reason number 11 on why you should get a degree and create a career not get a job!

2007-10-01T10:43:00.000-07:00

NO To Hooter Hotties But Ignores Box Cutter Betty

Source: Boing Boing

TSA airlines forces a passenger to pour out her still steaming coffee bu totally ignores a box cutter and a swiss army style knife in her purse.

Still want to fly a six hour drive?

" I've been debating for a while whether I should post this or not. This photo was taken in flight in the washroom of an airplane after passing through security at an international terminal. Yes, that's a box cutter, like what was used in the 9/11 attacks (taken on accidentally). Not only that but they searched the bag that contained it and missed it. Not only that, but they did require pouring out a coffee that had been bought at the entrance to the security line-up. Well, that made me feel safe." Terror Dry Run... NOT!

2007-09-26T11:57:00.001-07:00

Yelling back at characters who don't exit

Don't ya just wish you could sit the boy down and say

"look Lio, your trying too hard. You have to be more aloof. Watch the Pick Up Artist and take some notes."

2007-09-20T09:49:00.000-07:00

Converting sewers into amazing street art in São Paulo, Brazil by 6emeia

2007-09-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

Seattle SLUTs

Only in Seattle a former (yes former) relentless politically correct city would have an official slut.

Officially, it's the South Lake Union Streetcar (trolley). But in the neighborhood where the new public transportation line runs, it's called the SLUT. Ladies and gentlemen start your jokes now!

Done?

Kapow! Coffee, sold out on their T-shirts bearing the words "Ride the SLUT" another 100 are on order.
"We're welcoming the SLUT into the neighborhood," said Jerry Johnson, 29, a part-time barista. Don’t all men welcome sluts?
According to a Vulcan Inc representatives -- the company that is developing the area -- South Lake Union Trolley was the original name until officials they realized the acronym a little too late. The $50.5 million project is expected to be completed with more SLUTs running in December of this year.

A meeting with city representatives from several years ago hasn’t produced much until the SLUT arrived. Since that meeting Cascade was ignored in Vulcan brochures that lump the neighborhood together with Denny Park and Denny Triangle under the term South Lake Union. With the SLUT Don Clifton, a Cascade resident said "We learned how fun it is to change the name of things”.

South Lake Union Trolly

2007-09-19T13:27:00.000-07:00

Ahoy!

Arrrgh.... ye be in the midst of the most notorious nautical naughty day of the year!

Avast! I be heading straight after work to see the pirate band and get the best of the booty at ye old tattoo studio on Ventura at Vineland. in Studio City, CA

Keep an eye for the pirates this day

for they be scuttling along with Grog in their cup and a twinkle in their coats.

Talk Like A Pirate Day

September 19^th

Font Link

2007-09-18T12:52:00.000-07:00

Talk Like A Software Pirate

In celebration of tomorrow’s Talk Like A Pirate Day (September 19^th) I’ve created the silly version of Talk Like A Software Pirate. It’s a silly combination of pirate slang with hacker / programmer slang.

I probably could have made it better but I encourage people to add their software pirate words, slogans, pick up lines or whatever else you think a software pirate would say.

Note: Thanks to Dan for inspiring the idea. Slang & terms were researched online

Avast & Abend! - Stop and give attention because you have just created an abnormal termination

Addled Lamer - A mad, insane, or just stupid person - A Lamer is usually a very young user with a big ego who doesn't accurately know computer networking and or programming terms and is unwilling to learn.

Adger Bilge Rat - An insult. To make a bonehead move with consequences that could have been foreseen with a slight amount of mental effort. Therefore you are calling someone a rat that never leaves the lowest level of a pirate ship.

Amoeba Lubber - Can be an insult. - Humorous term for people who use a Commodore Amiga personal computer and or someone who does not log into the internet sea, a person who stays unconnected to the net.

Bletcherous Kraken - Disgusting in design or function; esthetically unappealing. This word is seldom used of people. "The software design is a bletcherous Kraken!"

Booty - Treasure

Couriers - A pirate and a resource. As soon as Cracker Pirates have completd the cleaning, Carrier Pirates distrutes the pillaged software to a variety of pirate sites.

Cracker - A pirate and a resource. Crackers takes a copy of the software than removes any and all serial numbers that could be used to trace the software back to the company pillaged from.

David LaMacchia - Famous pirate - An ex-MIT student who, in 1995, was charged with running two bulletin boards off his university's server that offered an estimated $1 million worth of software for free download.

DrinkOrDie aka Hew Griffiths - Famous pirate - Distributed almost any type of pirated material including applications, games, music and videos.

Evil Lily-Livered Sea Bass - Implies that some system, program, person, or institution is sufficiently maldesigned as to be not worth the bother of dealing with.

Gnumacs – Often heard abbreviated name for the GNU project's flagship tool

Home box - a home box to a software pirate is what a pirate ship is to a ocean pirate

J. Random Hacker - A mythical figure like the Davey Jones

Knuth - Mythically, the reference that answers all questions about data structures or algorithms. A safe answer when you do not know: "I think you can find that in Knuth."

Pseudosuit - A person who leaves the software piracy in exchange for a suit wearing job

Miswart - A feature that superficially appears to be a ugly feature offering nothing but is actually a treasure worth stealing

Nick - Software pirate name

Scurvy-Infested Noob - Newbie / someone new to software pirating and has no clue what they are doing. Scurvy-infested is adding more to the insult of being a noob. Anyone in close contact with a noob is in danger of being infected with stupidity.

Software Publishers Association - - Pirate Hunters

SPA's antipiracy brigade - Pirate Hunters

Suxxor (pronounced suck-zor) Blowfish - an insult / a derogatory term. Someone who sucks and or someone who tried to make themselves more important than they really are hence why they are a Suxxor Blowfish

Warez - Software piracy portal

Warez Pillaging - software that has been pillaged.

Warez Wiz - a software pirate of great talent

XOFF – “Stop talking ya blubbering fool”

Yow! - A favored software pirate expression of humorous surprise or emphasis.

Pirate Excuses

We're Just Testing The Software
I just couldn’t resist - it was too tempting
We just installed a new plugin that promised to give us new content without lifting a finger, I didn’t realize it was stealing other people’s content.
Sorry, my monkey was playing with my blog and stole it without me knowing it.
I just wanted to test the game to see how it looks on my computer.
Whats a pirate without music?
You need me - If it wasn't for me computer security hunters would be out of a job

Top Ten Pickup Lines For Software Pirates

10 . You've got some great programming

9. Why yes, that is a flashdrive in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

8. You want to see my hard drives?

7. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 75 percent malware free.

6. With my graphic interface and your OS we could make a great game play enviroment

5. Whats your webcam address?

4. How'd you like to crack my coding?

3. I’m writing a new make-out program. Would you like to join the beta-test?

2. You've stolen the ASCII to my heart.

1. You must've been made by Intel to be that hot!

2007-09-14T14:22:00.000-07:00

I will never be fashionable

It's just not nice to make fun of people who farm rice for a living

Gwen Stefani's fashion line for the modern? women?

Jail Bait!

2007-09-14T10:18:00.000-07:00

Memos (Not Sent) From Your Information Technology (IT) Department

Once upon a time I was crazy enough to change careers (temporarily) to that of IT Support. This posting is in support of their daily adventures of office life and hopefully an eye opener for those who see things they may have done once…or twice… or every freaking day!

Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from our magical IT crystal ball.

When an IT person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 + passwords.

When IT support sends you E-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

Send urgent E-mails in all uppercase. The mail server recognizes it as an emergency and screams at us until we stop drinking cola, eating M-n-Ms and playing World of Warcraft – which is what we do all day long waiting for you to have an emergency.

When the photocopier doesn't work, don’t try anything such as turning it off and than on again – it only wastes time. Call computer support because that is obviously our job.

When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your personal telephone line from here. We’ll also fax you a sandwich while your waiting.

When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have print cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

(To male users) Please contact a male IT person when you change all the settings on your computer and for your internet connection which prevents you from working, women ant know nothing about computers or what makes them work – I’m just here to make the department look pretty.

When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean when you say, "My thingy blew up."

Don't use online help. Online help is for people that can read.

If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 30 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.

When you get a message saying, "Are you sure?" click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure you wouldn't be doing it, would you?

Feel perfectly free to say things like, "I don't know nothing about that computer crap." We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.

When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer call computer support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task much like open-heart surgery.

When something's the matter with your computer ask your secretary to call the help desk but don’t give her / him any details on what is wrong. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.

When you receive a huge, 3GB movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got a galaxy of disk space on the mail server for exactly this reason.

When you bump into an IT person at the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We do weekends – for free!

Don't bother to tell us when you move computers around on your own or swap computer components with anther co-worker. Computer and equipment names are just a cosmetic feature.

When you can't find someone in the phone book, call computer support. Why not? We do everything else for you!

2007-09-14T09:04:00.000-07:00

The First iPhone Bill
It won't fit in a slender mailbox!

My first iPhone Bill!

Add to My Profile | More Videos

2007-09-13T11:39:00.000-07:00

Rainbow Flavored Ice Clown Brains

Their true identity covered up by pounds of white make-up. Insanely bright red lipstick drawn in wide smiling arch… and that laugh…. {quiver} that laugh sends pin needle spine tickling goose bumps across my arms and down my legs.

Clowns disguise their evil with crazy colored outfits and mad scientist hair and while the majority of children and adults are not fooled by their malevolence they continue to prey on people through traveling circuses.

Zombies are scary, they look scary, and the walk scary and they tell you honestly they are here to eat your brains! But clowns, oh no, first of all they put on enough stage make-up that couldn’t be penetrated by a tattoo laser removal machine, that's already creepy right there. But then they start acting all nice and goofy, and I don't know if you noticed but all clowns are shifty, looking this way and than the opposite as if they are on the look out for someone, something but what?

With years of self-torment and hermit tendencies they crawl out of dark places in search of innocence and say things like “How would you like a balloon animal?”

What other demented creature would come up with such an idea as a balloon animal? A rainbow latex thing filled with helium that not only turns a normal voice into a howling banshee but has the potential of exploding in your face… to which they laugh upon the explosion. Evil I tell you, Evil!

Dubya Bush is no better with his lack of intelligence due to what we can only assume is brain damage as a child with ludicrous methods of professionalism. We as a majority have dropped our guard when approached by disguised silliness. But they are becoming bolder and it is only a matter of time before their true evil nature is discovered by even the most naïve adult.

Proof of their boldness has never been so blatant as the rainbow clown colored snow cone brains bowls sold at Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus shows. Clowns have stepped up their wickedness in selling colored and flavored ice inside a clown’s head that resembles a brain. Have the zombies and clowns teamed up in an effort to enslave us all?

I saw Poltergeist, 'IT", Chucky and that Italian film with the circus performer killer who hacks up his wife in front of his son who becomes a clown! Clowns are bad things. After I saw Poltergeist, I ripped the stuffing out of a clown doll someone had given me. What demented relative gave me that thing? No matter I killed the clown and got rid of it. Clowns are Evil, and there's no way you can tell me otherwise.

I have no clue what their purpose is, I have a feeling they may have teamed up with the zombies with their new plot of rainbow flavored ice clown brains. Do they simply feed on fear? I don’t know but I figure, they must be damned souls roaming the earth as a punishment to crashing a party in Hell.

The Danger of Fake Jobs & Fake Job Recruiters

2007-09-12T12:41:00.000-07:00

Sock Exchange

Todd Lappin took this photo of a sock exchange at a laundromat in Bernal Heights, San Francisco.

2007-09-05T15:19:00.000-07:00

Reasons to travel - Bizarre Statues

In front of the Ernst & Young building (Los Angeles)

Santa Fe, New Mexico

Springfield, Missouri

In front of the Bukcheon Museum (Seoul, Korea)

2007-08-30T09:38:00.000-07:00

So ugly it will make you cry

The gaudy jewelry isn’t just weird it’s effectively weird. That’s because it has a hidden pepper spray spritzer. The sad fact of today’s fashion is ugly or strange so it won’t scare your assailant away by being oh so Emily, however it will when activated emit a single shot of highly concentrated pepper spray…

The ring contains enough gas for a two to three one-second burst of pepper spray which d has an effective range of 12 inches… (insert joke here)

It uses the strongest pepper spray available on the market but make sure you use it for the proper ring because refills cost $8. The ring is called “The Pepper Spray Stunning Ring” and costs between $23 to $30 depending on where you buy it.

Buy it here

2007-08-24T13:05:00.000-07:00

The Seven Deadly Internet Sins

I'm having a tough time concentrating lately. I believe it's because I have a lot on my mind in regards to personal issues and side projects I would rather be working on. In addition there's all of life's little intrusions that stumble around in our heads. Much like dumb drivers who constantly cross traffic lanes for no apparent reason -- they're hard to ignore.

I saw a short version of this on the Compete website and I thought I could expand and make it better. So here is my attempt at creating The Seven Deadly Internet Sins

* Lust: Lust is any thought involving obsessive, excessive or any general thoughts or desires that relates to sex. In that definition, any ex rated adult website qualifies. However, since I do need to name at least one website that best classifies (in my opinion) the object Lust I choose MySpace.

Not too many other websites grabs the lust attention from all ages both illegally and legally – moral and immoral and expands the lust from simple Playboy socially accepted lust object to not quite socially accepted lust fetish.

* Gluttony: This is a hard choice for me. I love fresh / quality – breads, fruit, seafood and gently cooked meats. Than again, gluttony isn't just for foods, gluttony is the overindulgence in any one thing. So what do I overindulge in to the point of being sinful? Costumes. I always spend a small fortune on costumes. My Glottony is Labyrinth of Jareth Fantasy Masquerade Ball - Labyrinth of Jareth

* Greed: Much like Lust and Gluttony Greed is a sin of excess. As seen by the Catholic church Greed applies to the acquisition of wealth. In Dante's Purgatory, the penitents (repentant sinner) were bound and laid face down on the ground for having concentrated too much on earthly thoughts. With that I believe Greed is excess of personal money, material wealth and power which is used for the sole use of not benefiting others because they simply do not want to. Greed is The federal government of the United States - Congress

* Sloth: I had a hard time picking an appropriate website for Sloth. The definition of Sloth has changed considerably since its original inclusion and modern writers have described it as apathy, depression, and joylessness – other writers have tagged it as lazy and a refusal to work. The modern view of Sloth has been represented as a failure to utilize one's talents and or gifts; one that refuses to achieve his or her full potential in life and or work. Hmmm I could easily attach a couple of my ex-boyfriend's profiles to Sloth.

Nonetheless, current interpretations are often seen simply as a sin of laziness. The guys and gals who stand at the exit of highways don't have their own website … that I know of … and I simply cannot find anther that best represents sloth because if they created a website they would not be slothful. I choose the highway exit beggars (no website)

Want a good advertising idea? Hire one of these guys/gals to hold up a sign that says
"Homeless and hungry – can you spare some change? This message has been sponsored by Mr. B's Corporate Bug Spray – get rid of pests go to MrBBugOff . com"

* Wrath: I may get hate mail for this but oh well make up a new sin for me because I don't care. Wrath is described as excessive, unnecessary and unjustified feelings of hatred and anger. Rap Music -CRap One website why I choose Rap Music as Wrath - Lyrics from Rap Artists Look at the top ten.

* Envy: This was easy. I choose Perez Hilton - He's the poster boy for going straight. Celebrity blog site covering paparazzi gossip. Have you ever seen him on television? He's an annoying leech.

* Pride: Melanie Griffith - - For her "I am a goddess" website

I compiled a Complete profile snapshot and it looks as if of all the seven deadly internet sins, Lusts wins. In order (Not including Sloth)
1. Lust: MySpace
2. Envy: Perez Hilton
3. Greed: The federal government of the United States
4. Wrath: Rap Music
5. Gluttony: Labyrinth of Jareth Fantasy Masquerade Ball
6. Pride: Melanie Griffith

If you have any suggestions on websites I should have considered leave them in Comments.

2007-08-23T10:03:00.000-07:00

Live Action Pac-Man

2007-08-22T15:40:00.000-07:00

K Fred needs a job

2007-08-22T15:20:00.000-07:00

Internet Commenter Business Meeting

How differently would corporate meetings be if everyone acted the same as when they leave comments in discussion threads. Find out in this video. Internet Commenter Business Meeting

2007-08-17T10:14:00.000-07:00

Photojournalistic Expose About Working At Home

More and more people are working from home. Single parents, the other half of the parental team and people sick of two hour commutes each way are working from their desk. In some cases men and women have created a work environment that complements their special interests and likes, such as the cockpit computer workspace.

That’s right it isn’t necessarily that Moms or Dads have to care for children, but rather an educated choice that many people are making to:

1. Avoid long commutes
2. Have more free time
3. Set their own schedule
4. Be their own Boss
5. Exercise your life / fun balance options
6. Show your creative side
7. Make more money

The work at home sector of home employees and contractors have created a bridge linking personal success with a company profits.
They have carved out their own niche on the Internet doing what they are most interested in. Many of these people have become known as experts in their industry of choice.

Many of them have created a loyal following who seek out their knowledge on a particular topic and or buy products related to their special are of expertise. Telecommuting is easier these days because of the penetration of high-speed Internet access and the movement of work to the Web, where employees can collaborate whether their desk is in the next cubicle or the next state. Home working can improve job performance, lifestyle and personal satisfaction.

In addition, telecommuting is good for the environment. If more people worked from home those would be cars removed from the highway on a regular basis thus making a trek from home to office easier and less polluted. In addition more people would choose they want instead of cars that are fuel-efficient.

However there are some self guided rules that ever home career professional should follow.

1) Don’t drink on the clock

2) Schedule in personal time breaks or try to combine personal interests with your work to reduce fatigue

3) Buy a computer station that is innovative, workable and reasonable. Do you really need seven hard drives, three servers and four CD / DVD drives for a telecommuting position? However do allow your desk to reflect your personal character.

4) Take lunch breaks and don't always eat at your desk

5) Take time away from your desk otherwise you may start to hallucinate

Remember that work isn’t everything. Take some time to go outdoors and enjoy some sunlight. If you don’t remember to have fun you may just end up in a place too soon.

2007-08-16T13:34:00.001-07:00

Notice To Shopplifters

2007-08-06T09:19:00.001-07:00

Tea Partay, New England Gangsta Rap

2007-08-02T11:08:00.000-07:00

Squirrel has sweet tooth

A squirrel with a sweet tooth has been making twice-daily visits to a shop in Finland to steal Kinder Surprise chocolate eggs.

The bushy-tailed thief takes the wrapping off before tucking into the chocolate, which is usually consumed by kids, before scampering off with the toy that comes inside the egg.

The manager of the store said: 'I named it the Kinder-squirrel, after the treats. It always goes after them; other sweets do not seem to interest it as much.

'It removes the foil carefully, eats the chocolate and leaves the store with the toy.'

Source: Metro

2007-07-31T09:23:00.000-07:00

The beer can Mustang

5,000 beer cans on the wall 5,000 beer cans
what the heck
will I do
with 5,000 beer cans on the wall?

Make a Mustang made from 5,000 beer cans

2007-07-30T15:49:00.001-07:00

Hospital Patients - Notice of Privacy Practices

You "agree" that they're allowed to share your private information for fund-raising, national security, and for protective services for the President.

2007-07-25T15:23:00.000-07:00

Anther Product of “Why?”

The Manchester Republican Committee has planned a fundraiser in New Hampshire (august 5th, 2007) which will take aim at promoting gun ownership in America by letting supporters fire powerful military-style weapons -- Uzi submachine guns to M-16 rifles.

According to organizer Jerry Thibodeau all party members and their families have been invited to the "Machine Gun Shoot " where, for $25, supporters of all ages can spend a day trying out automatic weapons. I wonder if a map to their local emergency room and a trailer trash cowboy hat purchased from Wal-Mart will be given to everyone as they enter the event. Because everyone needs a Uzi submachine gun for necessary tasks such as

Self defense
Protecting the first free public library in the untied states
Participating in the ever so popular shoot up beer bottle boredom
Hunting blue butterflies, lynxs, bald eagle and Atlantic salmon all of which are on the state's endangered species list.

That's what Uzi submachine guns are for, right?

"It's a fun day. It's a family day," said Jerry Thibodeau of the upcoming August 5 event. "It's quite exciting."

Now I'm not all in favor of the Democrats but I just gotta support local Democrat views when they say the event is 'in poor taste amid a spike in violent crime in Manchester and seeks to glorify the use of machine guns for political gain. '

Thibodeau said he invited all the Republican candidates in the 2008 presidential race to the event at Pelham Fish and Game Club outside of Manchester, the state's largest city, but he said they declined. New Hampshire is also is internationally famous for the New Hampshire primary, the first primary in the quadrennial American presidential election cycle. That must be the most nerve wacking event for the candidates… which I would think has nothing to do with the event itself considering that buying a gun in New Hampshire, whose official motto is "Live Free or Die," is relatively easy.

New Hampshire does not require buyers to obtain a handgun license or undergo safety training before buying a handgun but Jerry Thibodeau assured those who inquired that all shooters would undergo training.

I have never been so thoroughly glad and safe to be living in California until this moment… yes even with the knowledge that the major of gun sales is illegal.

To all New Hampshire residents: California is FULL try Utah

Press Release: Pelham Fish and Game Club, Inc. will provide the venue for MRC (Manchester Republican Committee) event.

"PF&G's purpose, as an organization, is to promote and maintain the rights of sportsmen and the individual's right to keep and bear arms"

2007-07-24T09:19:00.000-07:00

Wendy's Redhead Protest (Comedy)

Improv Everywhere, the NY pranksters that “cause scenes”, completed their latest mission “Redheads”, where over 50 redheads protested a New York City Wendy’s for their inaccurate portrayal of redheads with their Wendy’s mascot logo. Here’s their full report.

Wendy's Redhead Protest

2007-07-16T17:20:00.000-07:00

This Means (Water) War!

The biggest water fight that exists (that I found) is the Thingyan holiday, aka “the water festival” in Myanmar. It’s celebrated over the course of 5 days in April according to the Buddhist calendar and is the most important holiday of the year. In the past, it was a traditional part of the festival to sprinkle water into a silver bowl, to metaphorically “wash away ones sins” before the beginning of the new year. However, this has morphed into an all out water fight involving buckets, hoses, and water guns that persists throughout all 5 days.

From my research - During the 5-day celebration there are people everywhere on every street with buckets, hoses and water guns just waiting for someone to walk or drive by. For the exception of monks, it's said that no one is exempt. Women, young children, the elderly, a car with a window rolled down, everyone gets a bucket of water poured on them if they are out in public. Foreigners are especially popular to douse and when a foreigner is spotted word goes out quickly in the surrounding area so they can have their water-spraying implement ready to begin an active pursuit of the targets.

Any downers to this?

During the festival everything shuts down - the markets, many restaurants and shops, transportation in and out of town… so you can get stuck in Mandalay or Yangon for the full 5 days. This can mean that during the festival you cannot leave your guesthouse or hotel without getting soaked, and the water used is not clear or clean.

Some guests may feel trapped in the hotel room because you don’t want to get your last dry t-shirt soaking wet. On the other hand where else you can go in the world and be able to carry a Super Soaker drenching anyone, anywhere without violating some social norms and/or getting arrested?

In the states

Kiss of Death has become a cult obsession among Peter Pan syndrome Los Angelenos. The game’s founder is even considering a reality show based on the game. Kiss of Death is an intricately planned version of hide-and-seek using the city as the “playing field.” No one is “safe” anywhere or at any time. Players sign up at the StreetWars website; they then receive a packet containing the name, contact information, home and work addresses, and a photo of their intended target. The mission: to “assassinate” them with a water gun, and ultimately, to be the last dry person standing. KOD players are cutthroat. One player brags about anther who was water assassinated because she thought she was going a job interview at a movie studio only to get to the lot and be “killed” by her “assassin”.

Remember those tiny, translucent-plastic squirt guns you ran around with as a kid? Filling them from the water hose faucet and splashing your friends from a foot away with water wounds that could easily be treated with a couple of sheets of paper towels. Yea, they were cute.

Today's water war technology leaves those discount store pistols in the past along with Lincoln Logs and Cabbage Patch dolls. Instead of a silly little splash of water, today’s water weaponry launches a 20-ounce surge of water in a mere second or maintains a 40-foot stream for a full 30 seconds that is anything but a splash of water. Forget the paper towels; bring a few terry cloth beach towels and a change of clothing. The “toys” of today have names like Super Soaker, Water Balloon Slingshot, Flash Flood and Stream Machine which shoots water up to 70 feet! These are nothing less than implements of modern (water) warfare meant for serious water fights.

If you're looking for the right sidearm to lead a platoon into water combat, ready to sign up to be a water assassin or if you just need to defend yourself from the nasty neighborhood girls (or boys), grab one of the latest modern (water) warfare weaponries of today and suite up for war!

Cyber Tracker

2007-07-12T15:55:00.000-07:00

James Blunt Sold His Sister on eBay

The "You're Beautiful" singer said he did indeed sell his sister on eBay… but it was for a good cause.

"I came back to the flat where my sister was staying and she was crying because she couldn't get to a funeral in Ireland. The planes were on strike, the ferry was out of season, and there were no trains."

So he came up with an innovative solution to the problem. "I ended up whacking it on eBay: 'Damsel in distress seeks knight in shining armor! Desperate to get to a funeral in southern Ireland, please help!' The bids flooded in and the guy who won had a helicopter."

A little more than three years later the fairy tale has a happily ever after ending. Blunt says. "That was three years ago. This summer they're getting married. That was the stupidest thing I've ever sold on eBay – my sister."

2007-07-12T09:19:00.000-07:00

Second Life in Real Life

A great promotional video for the ad agency Draftfcb using their Paris office staff showing just how ridiculous Second Life would look if it took place in our first life.

Also
Get A First Life is a fabulous Second Life parody by web geek Darren Barefoot. Membership is free. Linden Labs’ (the creators of Second Life) great comment on Darren’s blog post. Instead of sending him a cease-and-desist letter, which is all too often common for harmless fun, they granted him license to use the modified version of their logo.

2007-07-10T15:51:00.000-07:00

They Were Not Filming A National Lampoon Movie

A Meadville, PA street was turned into a giant pinball playfield when a 1,500-pound wrecking ball broke loose from a crane cable and rolled nearly three-quarters of a mile downhill, bouncing from one side of the street to the other damaging more than a dozen vehicles.

The wrecking ball finally slammed into the trunk of a car, which hit the car in front, and sent that car hitting the car in front of it. All three cars were pushed approximately 20 feet from the impact. Can you imagine filling out the insurance records and explaining that "yes a wrecking ball slammed into the back of my car."

Source

2007-07-06T11:07:00.001-07:00

Cthulhu Captured!

Folklore says the Great Old Ones lived ages before there were any humans, and came to the young Earth out of the sky. According to Cthulhu mythology, a few of the species still lie dreaming, sleeping until the correct astrological alignment occurs. Than Cthulhu the great and terrorizing old one will rise from the black depths to enslave the human population. From time to time proof of his existence surfaces across the globe where his loyal followers praise his name and warns us all of the day the old ones will rise.

As he slumbers he sends out psionic thoughts of doom creating waves of misunderstood artistic phenomena such as the architecture like the picture below to reminds the non-believers that Cthulhu's presence is ever eminent (it also explain a lot of weirdness in Soviet Russia).

Cthulhuoid creature have become much more common in the last dozen years as human population continues to grow and experiment with the ever dwindling food supply. Cthulhu: Eater of Souls is sending a message.

However, Cthulhu the great and terrorizing old one said to be waiting at the bottom of the ocean floor may have been captured. Cthulhu which is being downplayed to avoid the frantic despair fabled to follow his claim of enslavement is simply called octosquid.

Cthulhu / octosquid. was captured near Keahole Point on the big island of Hawaii. The media claims it was an accident, that ‘octosquid was brought up from a depth of 3000 feet by a pipeline operated by Natural Energy Laboratory of Hawaii Authority. He has 8 tentacles, an octopus head and squid mantle but is only approximately a foot long.

I thought the eater of souls would be much bigger.

2007-07-06T09:29:00.000-07:00

There Is Certain Etiquette To Dinner Parties.

1. Invitations: Neat, clean, typed or even emailed

2) Greet your guests as they come to the door.

3) Introduce guests to each other

4) Offer guests beverages and hors de oeuvres.

5) During hors de oeuvres, slip out to the kitchen to ensure your dead wife and son cannot be seen by helpful dinner party guests putting away leftovers in your refrigerator.

A Belgian man did not follow etiquette and his poor housekeeping skills and the murder was discovered by a noisy dinner guests. Don't you just hate when they do go snooping around looking for dirt?

So next time you plan to have a dinner party, make sure you use Molly Maids before the murder and after - a messy house is just so tacky.

Note: Yes, I realize this is a horrible atrocious act of cruelty and I mean no disrespect in this play of humor -- but ya just gotta laugh at the world and other people’s stupidity otherwise you may make a few human Popsicles yourself.

2007-07-02T11:49:00.000-07:00

7-Elevens Become Simpsons 'Kwik-E-Marts'

7-Eleven Inc. turned 6,000-plus stores in North America into Kwik-E-Marts, the fictional convenience stores in "The Simpsons." The latest example of marketers using 'we can laugh at ourselves" marketing is receiving smiles and offering Squishees instead of Slurpes. The temporary 'Kwik-E-Marts' will sell items that until now existed only on television: Buzz Cola, KrustyO's cereal and the slushy drink knockoff of Slurpees (Squishees).

The 'Kwik-E-Marts (temporary) renovation is all part of the movie campaign hype and loves to lampoon 7-Eleven as a store that sells all kinds of unhealthy snacks. The movie opens July 27th and I may see the movie based on the cool 'Kwik-E-Marts stunt alone.

7-Eleven has contracted with manufacturers of similar products to make their Kwik-E-Mart counterparts. Malt-O-Meal, the cereal maker, will conjure up a recipe for KrustyO's, for example. Other products will simply be renamed. One flavor of 7-Eleven's own Slurpee will be sold as "WooHoo! Blue Vanilla" Squishee for the month.

The stunt is a cheap way to call attention to their movie, since 7-Eleven is bearing all the costs. They're hoping the kwik E Mark shows the omnipresent chain has a quality rarely seen in other corporations — the ability to laugh at themselves.

"We thought if you really want to do something different, the idea of actually changing stores into Kwik-E-Marts was over the top but a natural," said Bobbi Merkel, an executive for of 7-Eleven's advertising agency, FreshWorks, a unit of Omnicom Group Inc. "It shows they get the joke."

The month long promotion has been rumored for a long while but was able to keep spoilers at bay until the stores were ready for their Kwik makeover.

The U.S. locations where a 7-Eleven store was transformed into a Kwik-E-Mart are:

New York City
Chicago, Illinois
Dallas, Texas
Denver, Colorado
Burbank, California
Los Angeles, California - 7-11 at Venice and Sepulveda in Los Angeles, CA
Henderson, Nevada
Orlando, Florida
Mountain View, California
Seattle, Washington
Bladensburg, Maryland

Controversy?

Kwik E Mart is run by a man with a thick Indian accent so the promotion was not entirely risk-free. The proprietor of Kwik-E-Mart is Apu who speaks in a heavy Indian accent. He is based on a manager Matt Groening encountered while shopping at a 7-Eleven in Los Angeles nearly 20 years ago and plays to stereotypes about convenience-store employees and Asian immigrants.

While many of 7-Eleven's franchisees are Indian, Rita Bargerhuff, a 7-Eleven marketing executive said they were "overwhelmingly positive" after hearing of the Kwik-E-Mart idea, but still "it was not a 100 percent endorsement."

"There was definitely a concern of offending people," she said. "But they seemed to understand that 'The Simpsons' makes fun of everybody. The vast majority saw this as a great opportunity."

Kumar Assandas, a Las Vegas 28-year-old franchisee whose parents immigrated from India is one of the temporary Kwik-E-Marts.
"I know it's a stereotype, but it doesn't bother me. Everybody knows it's a joke," Assandas said. "I'm a big Simpsons fan myself, and maybe subconsciously it even inspired me to become a 7-Eleven owner."

2007-07-02T11:15:00.001-07:00

Create Your Own Simpson’s Avatar

In promotion of the Simpson movie, the website is a designed to look like a busy metropolitan city. One of the nifty features is the ability to create your own Simpson’s avatar – which you can than tour Springfield with.

I tried to go many of Springfield's attraction, but sadly many parts of Springfield are Coming Soon. Moe’s Tavern was open though - doesn't that figure. I tried my hand at the Love Tester and was told I'm Hubba Hubba, must be the purple hair.

However be warned, Moe's tavern does post the occasional notice such as mine which said I was Wanted for having a fake ID... unfortunately your character doesn't really talk to the Simpson charters so I wasn't able to put to the test the act of getting a beer with my supposed fake ID.

The unfinished website is cute for a minute waster as they have games and a gallery but they really should have completed the website before going Live.

2007-06-28T14:37:00.000-07:00

Anther product of "why"?

Fake fruit and powdered milk - yum yum!

Cereal Straws? What? Are They Kidding?

(via The Consumerist)

2007-06-28T09:20:00.000-07:00

Spice Girls - old Spice?

Generally, spices will not spoil, but they can lose their strength or potency. The only way to know for sure is to give them a test try. Unlike the spices rosemary or thyme you can't crush the Spice Girls and take a whiff... The only way thier former fans will know if their any good is by see what they do withtheir newly announced reunion tour.

Yep... the former vivacious Spice Girls announced they are reuniting for an upcoming tour. Spice Girls reunion gossip has apparently been swirling around for weeks. Sporty Spice helped fan the flames of the possibilities in the previous few weeks -- apparently.

Sporty Spice / Melanie Chisholm,
Posh Spice / Victoria Adams (married surname Beckham
Ginger Spice / Geri Halliwell
Baby Spice / Emma Bunton
Scary Spice / Melanie Brown

The Spice Girls' sexy charisma, modest musical talent, and powder puff "girl power" philosophy made them a pop phenomenon in the mid-1990s. Where have they been?

This month, a DNA test confirmed actor-comedian Eddie Murphy was the father of Scary Spice's baby and Ginger Spice has never announced who the father is for hers.

Girl Power!

Have a child out of wedlock without a stable career and only a short-lived celebrity history wearing skimpy outfits with a mediocre voice and singing about “giving everything all that joy can bring this I swear”

Meanwhile, Victoria Adams had a very short-lived music career and a bit part in the fashion industry -- but at least if her children were created and were born after she married.

Baby Spice (Emma Bunton) and Sporty Spice (Melanie Chisholm) have had mediocre music careers in the UK. Conversely, Emma Bunton (Baby Spice) announced her pregnancy last January. I’m now putting her down simply because she has been with her partner for eight years and it’s not a marriage certificate that stamps a commitment, it’s the people and their commitment t each other and their still together…

Girl Power wasn't exactly Anarchy in the UK, but at least it demonstrated that pop music can be used as a vehicle to transmit fun and flirty in a non-sexual gutter trash way. Ultimately that's what the Spices provided, a fun, brief pop one moment of the kind that is now lost in today’s music of “don’t you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me. “ Trying to recapture that moment makes about as much sense as their original fans attempting to be thirteen again.

2007-06-27T15:43:00.000-07:00

VEX – Slices & dices - will any fruit survive?

VEX hard lemonade launched a great and really fun online campaign that spoofs horror films to attract attention to its new killer (or in this case killed) strawberry-orange-banana flavor. The campaign includes a gallery and Sliced The Movie trailer.

Sliced The Movie - Review

The strawberry and banana consider taking their relationship to the next level... but we all know mixed fruit relationships are very difficult and almost never work. The strawberry's mother wants her to date a nice berry boy and the banana ghetto is always talking about his strawberry prize. In this case they never get to introduce each other to the families because strange things start to happen. Fruit start to disappear and are found pureed, juiced and grated! My favorite line comes when a kiwi locates a fellow kiwi and says, "we gotta split," only to find that the kiwi has already been sliced and diced.

2007-06-27T14:27:00.000-07:00

More Products of Why? - Fat Lamp

Why was this created and who did they think would actually buy it? Us Americans are waaaaaaay too sluggish and fat.

"Hey honey! I just bought us a fat lamp! Just pour the fat from the stove into the lamp and we can read the TV Guide!"

I'm guessing it's some sort of social commentary that is supposed to make you go "hmmmmm fat lights up". The product is no longer called the Fat Lamp but Slow Glow. As the fat slowly melts (fat is solid when not heated just in case you didn't know in which case - don't ever try cooking on your own) the light becomes gradually brighter.

The product description page says "a great discussion piece and easily lends itself to artistic interpretation. for example, the slow glow lamp is sluggish and fat -representative of our current culture (at least here in the united states)." - Based in Amsterdam and Beijing

No finger pointing there!

Cost: $436.00

Amsterdam and Beijing jokes anyone?

I looked around the Droog website... are they making fun of Americans or are they on hallucinating drugs?

What is this thing? It looks like a chair but it also looks like some wrapped thirty comforters with warehouse binding to save storage space.

…and this

Product Description:
With its shape, its grip is comfortable for anyone and because of the way it was made, the glasses make you want to stare at them and see what they can do.

What can they do unless your on hallucinating drugs. “Dude there’s a mermaid in my water.”

Here's one for Jerry Springer folks or for most people in East Los Angeles, or Hollywood, Long Beach or San Fernando Valley -- pretty much all of Los Angeles County.

droog do hit chair

HEY! Some of us can read and speak in proper grammar! I bet you a 40 I cen do it.

Product Description:
Taking full control, the do hit chair is one that is custom made by letting the user smash it. the chair can be hit until you get the desired form. made of 0.04" thick steel and a hammer for your use, the do hit chair gives you control, and a chance to get out some anger, if needed. Cost: $250

Son of Sam

Product Description:
designed by marti guixe, 2000 for droog design. giving the user a black painted lamp, they are allowed to scratch anything they want into the surface, and that white section will provide them their light. do scratch gives a sense of personalization and is unique in its own right. carve a message to your sweetheart, or express yourself with your favorite phrase in light.

Cut up my charge cards will you! See how you like your garage tool rack as a chair! HA! Still laughing Mr. No Place To Put Your Tools Now!

2007-06-27T10:30:00.000-07:00

101 Dumbest Moments in Business

By CNN Money

My Favorites

2. Northwest Airlines
And don't forget, you only need one kidney... In July, bankrupt Northwest Airlines begins laying off thousands of ground workers, but not before issuing some of them a handy guide, "101 Ways to Save Money."

The advice includes dumpster diving ("Don't be shy about pulling something you like out of the trash"), making your own baby food, shredding old newspapers for use as cat litter, and taking walks in the woods as a low-cost dating alternative.

21. FCC
Part of the FCC's new open-pants policy... For a Details magazine story about the most influential people in media, Federal Communications Commission chairman Kevin Martin poses for a photograph in bed - literally - with Alex Vogel, a tech industry lobbyist, and Eric Logan, an executive at XM Satellite Radio, which is regulated by the FCC.

25. BBC
Who's on first, what's on second, and some random Guy's on third...
In May the BBC invites IT expert Guy Kewney to its studios for an interview about Apple's iTunes Music Store. But when the cameras start rolling, BBC correspondent Karen Bowerman finds herself talking to the wrong Guy - namely, Guy Goma, a computer technician who was waiting in the lobby for a job interview.

Goma gamely tries his best, telling viewers that "if you can go everywhere, you're gonna see a lot of people downloading to the Internet and the website and everything they want."

27. RadioShack
From: RadioShack
To: RadioShack employees
Subject: Your former job

In August, RadioShack fires 400 staffers via e-mail. Affected employees receive a message that reads, "The work force reduction notification is currently in progress. Unfortunately your position is one that has been eliminated."

69. Royal Mail
Hang on -- that's not a lump of coal!
Great Britain's Royal Mail introduces a stamp that some believe shows Santa defecating into a chimney. The Church of England protests the series of stamps - not for their scatological drift, but for insufficient Christian imagery.

77. Bank of America
After Bank of America announces plans to outsource 100 tech support jobs from the San Francisco Bay Area to India, the American workers are told that they must train their own replacements in order to receive their severance payments.

99. Tesco

"Mom, Kelsey's hogging the stripper pole again!"
"Unleash the sex kitten inside ... soon you'll be flaunting it to the world and earning a fortune in Peekaboo Dance Dollars."

- From a product listing by $75 billion British retailer Tesco, plugging the $100 Peekaboo Pole Dancing Kit - which includes an 8.5-foot chrome pole, a "sexy dance garter," and play money for stuffing into said garter - in the Toys & Games section of its website.

After complaints from parent groups, Tesco decides to keep selling the item as a "fitness accessory" but agrees to remove the listing from the toy section.

100. Spin Master
Customers who bought the Peekaboo Pole Dancing Kit also purchased this item... Toymaker Spin Master releases the I-Tattoo, a $15 kit for kids ages 6 and up that features a "realistic, vibrating tattoo pen" and instructs youngsters to "get ready to 'get inked.'"

101. Hasbro
Customers who bought the Peekaboo Pole Dancing Kit and the I-Tattoo probably would've been clueless enough to buy this one too...
To compete with the spectacularly successful Bratz doll phenomenon, Hasbro unveils plans to launch the Pussycat Dolls, aimed at girls as young as 8 years old and modeled after the risqué, burlesque-inspired pop group of the same name.

(Yes, the "Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me" Pussycat Dolls.)

After protests by parent groups, Hasbro nixes the line.

2007-06-26T11:03:00.000-07:00

I love me!

I am important
I’m gorgeous
I’m clean!
I’m naked and I’m happy

Did your parents forget to give you that healthy scoop of self-esteem? Did the hundreds of therapy sessions fail to answer why you blame your mother for having her thighs? Fear not, the ‘I Love Me Shower Curtain’ has arrived to remind us all that we are naked and happy and gorgeous and cute and clean!

Need a chaser for your Prozac? Covered in positive affirmations, the colorful curtain is a great appetizer to your daily dose of Prozac.

Your showering mantra begins with the ‘I Love Me Shower Curtain.’

Available at Wrapables for $28.95 with matching ‘I Love Me Mirror’ for $19.99 (on sale)

2007-06-25T16:21:00.000-07:00

Why I Will Never Be Fashionable

Every Monday I try to cram in a week’s worth of research to keep me busy for the rest of the week. There’s never a lack of news, weird reports or gadget creations so I’m not really sure why I do it. I often forget that my eyes need a break from looking at a monitor for seven plus hours so I try to remember to leave the building if only for ten minutes if I don't want to leave for lunch.

Anyway, I work in a fashion galleria and of course the galleria has the over priced fashionable retailers. I’ve browsed the shops many times but I refuse to pay $75 for a Hipster disheveled shirt that looks like someone’s granny embroidered a skull and cross bones on the back so that her geeky granddaughter could be “cool”.

Lately I’ve passed one shop in particular has stripper clothes on the display mannequins. Isn’t there some kind of high fashion retail shop ideology code? Apparently not because the store display has dresses that even though gaudy, a trophy wife wouldn’t even wear. As a matter of fact, the only customers I’ve seen in the store lately are the 23 and under girls still spending daddy’s money. However, my eyes needed a break and I was curious to see what additional skank-wear was available for purchase.

I will never be fashionable.

The first top I came across was a plain jane boring blue halter top suspended with cheap engraved and laminated discs. Price $40. Than there was a dress that only an camera phone could truly do justice to the goddess of skank-wear. Like the boring tribal insult themed top, the dress was boring blue. In the chest area is a huge 'WWF winning match' belt sized silver colored medallion of a cheetah. It was held in several places by blue thread around the circular Grand Slam Champion look-a-like metal.

What has happened to fashion? It wasn't all that long ago that spending our extra precious $ on material goods such as a handbag, a watch or a necklace was item that you would wear for decades and pass on to children. However, disheveled hipster and skank-wear seem to be the ongoing fashion choice. Investing in material future loved heirlooms seem to be hopelessly old-fashioned, out-dated and putdown.

I went online just to see what would come up under keywords such as not fashionable… I’m always curious. This was one of the first Blog postings I found and to me is pretty much sums up my distaste for fashion & all that is designer.

I HATE fake clothes, purses, sunglasses and anything else that is fake...not only is it BAD FASHION...it supports child labor and terrorism...SO PLEASE do the world and yourself a favor...if you can't afford the real thing stick to what you can afford...or save up all the money you waste on fake items and buy the real thing...you may think it is "a good fake purse" and no one can tell...but you are wrong...I can tell...and so can all the others that HAVE THE REAL THING or have a clue about the designers...so please STOP making yourself look like a fool...you can still be cute and fashionable WITHOUT ALL THE FAKE IMITATIONS...and just a tip...REAL ITEMS CANNOT BE purchased on the corner, out of someone's trunk, at a purse party, or at the little stands in the mall...

Written by a 26 year old bottle blonde who lists her interests as Gangster Grill and ILLINI boys, decorates her MySpace profile in 14 year old pastel hearts and stars and list her heroes as "I'm not spoiled, I'm well taken care of." The truly terrifying thing is that she says she is studying for the Bar exam. She is going to be a future Mrs. with a law degree… I’m sure that looks fabulous on her dating resume. In addition, her profile pictures shows her in nothing but fashionable attire, all of which is designer.

Fashion has taken over everything and everyone. Babies now wear Hot Topic, corporate CEOs have 'Gone Green' and the plus size industry has moved into the disheveled cool look. Even geeks are cool with sleeker and more obscure gadgets. Yahoo's favorite pictures often include shots from the latest fashion show, why? How is the hideous new creation newsworthy?

Not being particularly fashionable, perhaps it is not my place to criticize, but when I see a fashion that is so bazaar or just plain ugly, I feel like the little peasant who notices that the emperor has no clothes. Clothing can be very sexy, but whatever happened to alluring?

The one thing I hate most about the fashion world is that it turns people like Paris Hilton into stars. She's built like a skinny little boy (as are many runway models), but alluring? Her nose is sharp enough to whittle wood with, and she has the eyes of a hamster (and the life as one). I know she has a lot of money, but so does J.K. Rowling, and nobody treats her like a sex symbol.

This picture makes the models look like they stepped off an airplane from a third world country. Is poor fashionable? If it is, maybe I still have a chance at being fashionable.

2007-06-25T08:13:00.000-07:00

Blendtec: Will It Blend?

It's one of those "you have to see it to believe it" sort of things.

From Laughing Squid..
Will It Blend? That is the question asked by Tom Dickson, CEO of Blendtec, about what their blenders can blend up. So far he has demonstrated that they can blend some pretty crazy stuff, including an iPod, cell phones, a full bottle of cream soda, two Barbies and a bunch of other things that are not normally blended.

2007-06-22T09:40:00.000-07:00

Visual Comedian Artist

I believe the world needs a new career label. Instead of ‘Fashion Designer’ how about Visual Comedian Artist?

Visual comedian artists would bring acceptance to the unfashionable (such as myself). They would bring explanation to attainable bachelors that do not understand these crazy fashions but simply accept them as a way of life. But most important and best reason for the career title creation of a visual comedian artist is the potential to cure anger.

For who could possibly continue a serious argument with an adversary wearing a horse hat? Or a hat fashioned to the likes of an ashtray attached to one side of a young lady’s beautiful watercourse flowing blond hair?

Visual comedian artists would not only be a means of peace treaty but a valuable performance of lifelike art. Forget telling children about the birds and the bees, let them visualize the creation of life with clothing that allows the model to stretch and, conform and reach through the material like a tadpole turning into a frog.

As kids grow into maturity the lure of drugs is ever present seeking younger victims. Adults are constantly coming up with new, cooler hipper ways to delivery the message that drugs will kill your brain. City police have failed, celebrities are doing drugs themselves and the Just Say No campaign is an old 80’s joke. Visual comedian artists reach kids. They are the peer pressure of the world. Lets use them for good and use their comedian artistic abilities to tell kids that you can still look cool and pretend your a bad ass.

However, the Mohawk is often viewed as a more ‘boy’ thing to do and girls need the fashion coolness even more than the boys. So for them visual comedian artists can create and mix what girls love most --music and fashion.

Old LPs have already been used to make bowls, ashtrays, chandeliers and even handbags, they deserve a new life and life as a hat promoting fashion, hard-core beats and positive spirit is the way to go.

These amusing and often even beautiful pieces of wearable art have always been the custom of Fashionable Ladies. However, it’s time to throw open the Willy Wonka closet doors to all ages and status. The crazy creative and possibly drug induced artistic creations of runway fashions should be made available to all fashion worshiping folks. Why should only the fashionable ladies of Ladies Day at the Ascot Racecourse enjoy a burst of colors and imagination?

Those whose fashion vision has remained aloof to the upper crest will receive the devotion of low budget but fashion lovesick inhabitants. With the creation of the career title Visual Comedian Artist, fashion designer wannabes will find acceptance and a means of supporting their crazy creative and possibly drug induced artistic creations of runway fashions. In a world of conformity bring on the individuality to the months before and after October -- For Everyday Is Halloween for those who are artistically confident.

2007-06-21T15:33:00.000-07:00

Call Me

Bar ditching just got a lot easier

Maybe this happens to more women than men -- but sometimes women give their phone number to a guy they think is really cute. Next thing you know the guy is calling you every day to "hook up". I remember going out with an acquaintance of mine one evening where she gave her number to a guy who seemed really nice and not bar creepy. Ten minutes after we left the club the guy called her and said how much he missed her and couldn't wait to see her again. I've also given my number to a guy and learned the 'nice guy' mask he wore hid a real jerk. After that I started giving out my email address. This puts the guy through the preliminary test:

1) Can he spell or use Spell Check

2) Does he own a computer and or know how to use one

3) What is his email screen name. If it's bigdoggy@, he gets deleted

Some people still like the old fashioned tradition of giving a phone number and I guess I can't blame them too much. Hearing someone's voice is more personal. With disposable phone numbers (the company is called numbr), you can give someone a phone number that will actually reach you. If s/he turns out to be something you would rather not know -- no problem you can 'expire' the number.

The company that offers the disposable phone numbers support 23 US cities, block telemarketers and allows for parental controls. Which is a nice feature because the parent can expire the number at any time or set limitations. Inbound calls to your number will be forwarded to your phone and then to your second optional phone.

In addition it lets you embed a link to your website allowing your blog or website readers to reach you without knowing your real phone number. If you are unavailable on both phone numbers, the caller can record a voice-mail, which will be sent to you via your e-mail. You don't have to be on-line to get a numbr! In a bar and need one? Simply call: (415) 234-5678 and get a numbr!

I checked out the site still thinking doubtful thoughts. I mean… how much is this going to cost me? How long is the registration that I just know is going to ask me for all of my information and possibly a DNA test…

Here’s how it works

Click on Get your free number

You choose

When should we discontinue this numbr:
Tell us where should we send your calls
Don't accept calls from blocked Caller IDs - We will request your caller to call back with their caller ID enabled.
Don't accept calls from suspected telemarketers
Turn off call screening
Email my incoming call history - We will email you daily call history on your email address.
Do not disturb from 9PM to 8AM

Congratulations! Your numbr has been activated.

For the next 1 Hour, calls received on 347 515 2036 x 503 will be sent to XXX XXX XXXX

If you get this within the hour give it a try - I won't pick up - but you'll have my phone number, for an hour at least.

2007-06-21T15:30:00.000-07:00

Advice Column

I want to write an advice column just like Miriam

alt="http://roflsaurus.com/users/public/w42728problems49.jpg">

2007-06-21T09:10:00.000-07:00

Apple's New iPhone From: The Onion

Apple's New iPhone

Apple is set to release the much-hyped iPhone Friday, June 29.

Here are some of its most highly anticipated features (from Onion):

Nanotechnology enables it to reassemble itself when thrown against wall
Exclusive link to Google Street View so you can watch yourself using your iPhone at all times
Takes Polaroids
When moved from hand to ear, makes Lightsaber sound effects
Prominent Apple logo
Reproduces through asexual budding
Has way, way more PRAM than the last thingy
Comes with an iPhone hat, so people know you own an iPhone during the brief periods you're not using it

Cost: One to three of your paychecks (depending on what you do for work & where you live)

2007-06-18T17:25:00.000-07:00

US City Has Put A Ban To The Sag

A town council in Louisiana has successfully made it a crime to expose your undergarments from the trousers.

As much as I am happy to see someone stand up to ridiculous fashions such as showing ugly boxers I don't know if I can support a ban that serves six months of imprisonment or a fine of $500 if caught sagging and showing the undergarments.

Some call it a racial discrimination against black people but Mayor Carol Broussard denied this and said, even “white people wear sagging pants, too. And it’s about showing off your underwear in public.” Personally, I just say it's fugly! Now sagging will be even more popular. You would have thought that boxer fashions would have skyrocketed – Sadly that is not the case -- people and men especially still wear fugly underwear.

Come on guys, learn from us ladies... If your going to show your boxers at least spend a few extra minutes showing something that are amusing to see. How about some nice Square Sponge Bob underwoos?

2007-06-14T15:26:00.000-07:00

Controversial video blogger Josh Wolf & Comedy Central

Controversial video blogger Josh Wolf, who was released from jail in April, was a guest on The Colbert Report last night. Josh and Stephen had a hilarious debate about if bloggers should be considered members of the press or not. Here’s the segment featuring Josh Wolf.

2007-06-12T13:28:00.000-07:00

I'm an American Idol - Eat my candy brains!

Generic every day type people turned into American Idol Pez candy. This is wrong on so many levels!

Generic Non-Threatening Black Guy

He’s smiling to ensure you know he’s a nice black man, I mean just look at his Miami Vice clothes, how could he be a bad man?

The Ultra-Cool, Ultra-Hip White Teeth Guy

“Hey baby, how you doing?”

The Low Rise Jeans But Still Non-Offensive Bland White Chick.

…. Forced by her stage mother to compete so that the mother doesn’t have to get a real job and in hopes that she her daughter’s celebrity lifestyle will move them from rural Okalahoma to Hollywood’s sunny disposition… just like three thousand others.

The best part is that the head are on this weird flesh colored slave collar PEZ mechanism and on the side says "awesome bubble gum roll"

2007-06-11T16:07:00.000-07:00

Embarrassing Ways To Lose A Job / Employment Blunders

Dog Sexual Harassment

Mok and Lai, had been plucked from obscurity under a program initiated by King Bhumibol Adulyadej. Although the pair won applaud from police for their work in sniffing out drugs at northern Thailand's Chiang Rai airport, many passengers complained about their behavior – so the pair have been fired.

"He liked to pee on luggage while searching for drugs inside," Mok's former handler, Police Lieutenant Colonel Jakapop Kamhon, said. "He also liked to hold on to women's legs."

Bad employee bad! Straight to Gender Sensitivity classes for you and no unemployment benefits!

Not Seeing Straight

A Chinese court has jailed two officials after they let a blind contractor build a bridge which collapsed during construction and injured 12 people.

"When they knew the bridge was being built by a blind contractor, they did not stop it," the court reports said, adding the contractor had changed the blueprint without getting a professional to look at the design.

Xinhua did not explain how the contractor was able to run the project considering his inability to see.

A Ticker To Ride

An Italian senator's boast on television that he cheated traffic jams in Rome during a visit by President George W. Bush by calling an ambulance may cost him a court appearance, officials said on Sunday.

Conservative opposition senator Gustavo Selva risked being late for a TV interview on Saturday because streets around the Senate were blocked for Bush's visit.

So he dialed 118 for an ambulance asking to be rushed to his heart specialist -- giving the TV studio's address. The emergency services were not amused.
The incident came a few days after senators were criticized for demanding that their cafeteria in parliament start serving ice-cream, even though the streets around the Senate house some of the Italian capital's most famous ice-cream restaurants.

My dog is racist. Not me

A Belgian businessman rejected a Nigerian job applicant because the businessman said his own dog was racist and would bite non-whites.

2007-06-11T15:45:00.000-07:00

Methods of Dying You Don’t Want To Admit To In The After Life

Your death is that last thing you will ever do on this planet, and a lot of the time it's how you are remembered. That’s why going out can be such an embarrassment or entertainment if you do it the wrong way… or right.

Train driver urination tragedy / dies relieving himself

Authorities now believe that a German train driver died after he opened a door to have a pee while the train was moving. Drivers have to press a safety button - a 'dead man's switch' - at regular intervals, otherwise a computer on the train stops it automatically, and alerts authorities that there is a problem.

The driver was found dead with his trousers open by the side of tracks several hundred meters away from the train, and police now say that it appears he fell out of the locomotive after he opened a door to relieve himself from the train.

No Means NO - Especially From Sharks

A scuba diver was bitten on the lip when he attempted to kiss a nurse shark. The bite was a surprise to the diver, as he had already kissed hundreds of sharks. He explained, "You pick 'em up, rub their belly, scratch 'em, hug them, you might as well give 'em a smooch while you're out there."

Where is smarty kisser pants from? Florida of course....While he isn't dead yet, one of his unasked for kisses is bound to land him a Darwin award since he said he had no plans to stop kissing sharks.

If You’re Flammable, Don’t Smoke

There's always someone who thinks good advice doesn't apply to him. if a doctor advises that the one thing you must not do is go near a flame, as you are going to be covered wtih a flammable material, most people would take this advice onboard, and not strike a match until the flammable material has been removed.

However, Phillip, 60, knew better than his doctor. Philip was in the hospital to treat a skin disease, said treatment consisting of being smeared in paraffin-based cream. Philip was warned that the cream would ignite, so he definitely should NOT smoke. But he just couldn't live without that cigarette."

Smoking was not permitted anywhere on the ward, but Phillip took this setback in stride, and sneaked out onto a fire escape. Once he was hidden, he lit up... inhaled... and peace descended as he got his nicotine fix. Things went downhill only after he finished his cigarette, at the moment he ground out the butt with his heel.

The paraffin cream had been absorbed by his clothing. As his heel touched the butt, fumes from his pyjamas ignited. The resulting inferno "cremated" his skin condition, and left first-degree burns on much of his body. Despite excellent treatment, he died in intensive care.

The following Top five are urban legends that supposedly happened some place in the world.

5. Getting crushed by poorly-mounted plasma TV
4. Getting your picture taken with a tiger
3. Re-enacting a stunt from "Jackass"
2. Retrieving your cell phone from a storm sewer

#1 most embarssing way you don't want to admit to your higher power how you died goes to Jack Daniel, the famous Tennessee whiskey distiller.

Death from stubbing toe
He didn't die from his famous drink.

Jack Daniel decided to come in to work early one morning in 1911. He wanted to open his safe but couldn’t remember the combination. In anger, Daniel kicked the safe and injured his toe, which later developed an infection that killed him!

Moral of the story? Don’t go to work early.

Bonus - The best 'in your face' I beat death award goes to

Russian mystic Grigori Rasputin

Death by:
Poison - Enough cyanide to kill ten men, but he wasn’t affected.
Gunshot (4 times) - survived all 4 attempts -
Beating by Clubs - was still breathing
Drowning - thrown into the icy Neva River to ensure he was dead and stay dead.

Miracle Max: It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive.
- The Princess Bride (1987)

2007-06-08T12:13:00.000-07:00

Women In Art

500 years of female portraits in Western art condensed in a three minute morphing video.

Very neat to watch

2007-06-07T10:26:00.001-07:00

Sprite Yard

Lets see - I belong to

MySpace
Tribe
Live Journal
Gather
Twitter
LinkedIn
Blogger
Yuku Team
BetaNews
Netscape

(found Facebook boring)

Naaaaahhhhh Neither I nor the rest of the world has enough social network community memberships -- I NEED more! So you can image how giddy I am at the prospects of Coca-Cola's Sprite social network début with the Sprite Yard... what else could they call it? Sprite Society sounds too upper class or fairy like. Sprite Yard sounds much more like football, soccer and Spice Girls cheer.

The brand's ‘global interactive marketing team’ is betting that the mobile platform will set a new yardstick for consumer brand commitment. Sprite Yard officially opened the community doors in China on June 1st but the US Sprite borders open June 22 and all ya gotta do is text message “YARD” to 59666

666 good choice, that wont have the religious paranoid sweating Coca Cola like a crazy person wearing a parka in the middle of July in Phoenix, Arizona. Just press the Send button and Coca Cola gets your phone number so that they can add you to the Sprite cell phone text ~~advertising~~ membership exclusive list.

5 AM: 1 New Text Message

Wake Up! It's Sprite Time!

Throw on your running shoes!

Grab a Sprite and run! run! run! ... to your nearest computer to sign up Sprite Yard social community, don't forget to add your avatar and send "Shouts" to all of your friends so they too can join the (Longest) Sprite Yard.

But that's not all!

Sprite Yard members will also have access to "Nuggets" of exclusive downloadable content, from mobisodes (short animated and video content created by Coca-Cola and other media partners) and ringtones. Who doesn’t want the Coca-Cola theme song to play every time someone calls you?

The branding tie-in is designed to drive sales through the roof, as content can only be unlocked by using a PIN number found under Sprite bottle caps. Marketing & advertising Genius! You must buy the product to participate in social pressure networking activities and dialogs.

"It's the perfect match for teens and young adults because we can develop content quickly and keep it fresh," said Shelley de Villiers, Coca-Cola's director of global brand management for Sprite. "But it's designed not to be overbranded. We don't want to alienate our teen advocates."

I went to the Coca Cola website
-- it's a pretty nifty site.

However, how do they know Charlotte and Ryan finished a long night of studying with a Powerade? I mean how do they know this?! Did Charlotte and Ryan email coco cola and say

Dear Coca Cola,

I just wanted to let you know that I have nothing better to do than email you to let you know that both my boyfriend and I finished off an entire bottle of Powerade... it was soooooooo romantic. We studied, we made out, we drank from the same bottle of Powerade and than we made out some more.

How did Alex in New York city contact Coca Cola while site seeing and enjoying a delicious can of Full Throttle? Did he use his Blackberry? Did he stop at an internet cafe? Did he send pictures of himself enjoying the delicious can of Full Throttle in front of Trump Towers?

Coca Cola minds want to know.

Do people actually sing the Coca Cola songs? Did Darren and Jumoke from Agadez sing
I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
I'd like to hold it in my arms
And keep it company

Coca Cola minds want to know!

Coca Cola marketing, advertising and branding is expanding into new realms. Whether it's their pledge to give back and not take so much from third world communities or introducing new communities in cyber space... they are still one of the leaders in popular soda pop drinks and will continue to be so. This is a company that may no longer be innovative, but will keep up with what is innovative and give it their own special twist.

2007-06-06T10:11:00.000-07:00

Biting The Bullet

The proverb Breaking bread is supposed to be a connection to new friendships. However, of the bread has a bullet in it, I don’t think friendship is the message they’re going to get.

A 60-year-old Dutch man found a 9mm bullet in a loaf of bread bought in a supermarket in The Hague. The mystery of the wayward bullet has not been revealed and the police are still investigating the incident that happened in May 2007.

2007-06-05T17:13:00.001-07:00

LEGO ice cubes

DIY Lego Ice Trays

2007-06-01T09:23:00.001-07:00

Lego my LEGO bricks

Nathan Sawaya was a full-time attorney who switched to being a full time LEGO artist. Hold your lawyer / toy jokes until later...

I use to love playing with Legos as a kid and even thought I was pretty good. But after looking at the pics on his site all I can say is, "WOW!" And I thought the little spaceships and boats I made were pretty good. Yea.... hiding those pictures.

A childhood obsession is now his life's calling.

He took a Lego leap of faith leaving a six-figure job as a corporate lawyer and started building his professional Lego artist career with a13-dollars an hour job at Lego Land to make – of course Lego sculptures. He is now one of the premiere Lego artists in the world earning thousands of dollars for his original works of art.

Check out his life-size Han Solo in Carbonite on his website, Star Wars geek will be able to catch a dozen flies when you see the pictures.

No Limits! Brit will skateboard across five European countries

2007-05-29T13:09:00.001-07:00

Are You A Lazy Kitchen John?

One of the best ways to know if a guy is worth dating is by looking inside his refrigerator. John lived in an adorable Bay area cottage with hardwood floors in a just as adorable Bay area city just outside of San Francisco. Everything about him was adorable except his refrigerator. The first time I went to his apartment (during the summer) I asked if he had anything cold to drink. Being an adorable sort of man he nonchalantly told me he had some cold soda pops in the refrigerator.

I walked into his adorable petite kitchen that contained his charming rustic refrigerator and opened the door to a ghastly so very not adorable contents. I actually closed the refrigerator door and I remember thinking I must have been heat induced delusional for a moment there… I opened the refrigerator door again and was frozen in a Medusa like horrific sculpture as I stared at hundreds of dead ants inside his refrigerator and a trail of dead ants leading into his freezer.

In addition, there was one six pack of soda pop, a small pizza box, a few empty fast food bags and some plastic containers that could have only come from mom but have contained life forms that Cthulhu himself would have felt motherly pride for.

When a person places more importance on they’re $300 sunglasses instead of spending $50 for maid service, ya just gotta realize they’re priorities are a bit spoiled. Obviously, we didn’t date very long.

The reason this story reemerged to the front of my memory is because I saw a nifty new gadget that all kitchen lazy Johns (people) should have. The Double U Days Ago Digital Day Counter

Suction and magnetic style gadgets count the days of the container from the time you first placed it in the refrigerator. So, now instead of seeing a half opened jar of spaghetti sauce, you can now see the half opened jar of spaghetti sauce is 32 days old, thirty-two days later. It won’t tell you if the sauce has gone bad, but if you’re a lazy kitchen Jon, the ants will do that for you.

2007-05-25T09:10:00.001-07:00

Freeze!

Does anyone remember the childhood game Freeze?

It was a silly nonchalant outdoors game where a group of kids would run amok on the lawn until the ‘it’ person would scream "Freeze!" Than all of the kids would suddenly freeze in whatever position they were currently in at the moment Freeze was announced.

Mischievous 13 to 15 year old students turned the game into a work of art on a recent trip to the Tate Modern when they froze in several different poses.

Tate Modern and contemporary art lovers and tourists photographed the 41 students as they stood, sat or laid down in the London gallery's Turbine Hall – after their teachers went for a cup of tea.

When the teachers returned, they thought the admiring crowd was for 'a new, eccentric exhibition.'

“It was hilarious,' said modern languages teacher Peter Taylor, from Debenham High School in Suffolk.

Source: Metro.co.uk

2007-05-24T09:30:00.000-07:00

Kellogg Cereal Prizes Goes Batty

Cereal boxes have delivered some pretty kooky kiddy pop culture in the last twenty years. There's been the Cookie Crisp "Cop" Figure, the Kellogg X-Ray Viewer and Tony the Tiger's Secret Message Pen. Toys are cool cheap thrills, but in the ever pursuit to grab a kid attentions, there are just some cereal box prizes that shouldn't be included with your morning cereal --such as a dead bat.

A Swedish couple was dismayed when they discovered their cereal box didn't have a cool kooky prize... instead they found a four-centimeter long bat. The couple in Tanum, in western Sweden, was already well into the box when they made their treasure hunt discovery.

They contacted the suppliers and hygiene authorities, which promptly took samples to check that the ‘Special K’ consumers would not delivery their own ‘Special’ health risk from the cereal. The box is one from a factory in Britain and Kellogg has sent out a ‘Special’ controller to inspect the bat.

Wrap those things in plastic or at least give em a live one! Talk about corporate cheapness. Gesh!

2007-05-23T11:35:00.000-07:00

Best tourists award goes to...

Tourists from Japan

The best tourists in the world are the Japanese, followed by Americans and the Swiss, a survey based on European hoteliers. Japanese tourists stood out for being polite and tidy, obtaining 35 percent more votes than the Americans who came second. Swiss tourists were commended for being quiet and considerate.

According to the study, which was published this month, tourists from the United States gained points for attempting to speak the local language and always trying local food – in addition to spending a lot of money during their stays.

The fifth worst tourists mark was given to Britons who were said to have (from the survey) rude behavior, were noise and had a bad attitude towards tipping. However they were still welcomed as they were aid to be the third biggest holiday spenders after Americans and Russians.

On the other hand, American received the number 1` spot for at least one category - worst dressed tourists – “we’re #1!, we’re #1!”
Oh wait… that’s a bad thing…

Britain took second place

Based on responses from 15,000 European hoteliers, the survey carried out on behalf of travel Web site Expedia showed that the worst tourists were those from France, followed by India, China and Russia.

Source: (Reuters)

2007-05-17T10:30:00.000-07:00

ZONKS! Topsy Turvy - which side is up?

photo credit: unknown

Ya just gotta put the picture first on these kinds of things. It's the only correct way to announce crazy cool projects such as the Topsy-Turvy Bus created by art car artist Tom Kennedy from Oakland, CA with a team of ten other artists.

The idea for Topsy-Turvy came from Ben Cohen, co-founder of Ben & Jerry’s and president of Business Leaders for Sensible Priorities and artist Stefan Sagmeister.

Tom and Haideen Anderson are currently driving the bus around the US, blogging about their adventures, with stops planned in the same places, dates and times as the presidential primaries.

The Topsy-Turvy, painted in all it's yellow glory with a twin welded upside down to the roof was commissioned by Ben & Jerry's to protest U.S. military spending. Business Leaders for Sensible Priorities is a non profit organization made up of 700 business leaders who want to reduce U.S. military spending.

"Essentially this is a marketing technique that I started doing at Ben and Jerry's," Cohen said.

"We find that dollar for dollar, it's more effective than run-of-the-mill TV advertising. Seeing this weird vehicle in three dimensions makes more of a lasting impression."

Lead art car builder Tom Kennedy said

“It's under the 13.6-foot height limit and within the weight limit for noncommercial vehicles.”

With rare exception, most police officers who pull him over just want a picture to show their families.

Photo credit: Ken Duffy

2007-05-16T16:38:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, being wrong is a good thing.

Standing in line patiently waiting my turned to order, the cashier helped someone who had just walked in instead of me who had been waiting a few minutes. I was annoyed and the look on my face showed it. A senior citizen customer who had just been served and cashed out looked at me and gave a slight smile. I decided saying something wasn’t worth the trouble and promptly stepped up to the counter to ensure I was next.

The citizen customer came over to me and said

“Can I ask you a question?”

Slightly annoyed, wearing a t shirt that showed both my tattoos and already knowing what the previously asked question (from dozens of others) is going to be I said sure nonchalantly.

He asked, “Did it hurt?”

{Sigh} yep… there’s the question I always try to answer politely, every single time. So many times in fact that I bought myself a belt buckle of a tattoo gun with the words ‘YES, it hurt’ inscribed across it. But… I’m in a mood so I ask back nicely

Me:“did what hurt?”

Citizen customer: “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

{blink blink / blank stare}

At the blank expression of my face, he laughed and said, "you looked like you needed a smile and I thought all angles as beautiful as you should be smiling not frowning."

I didn’t know what to say… I just kindly smiled and probably blushed… Than he handed me a small stack of business sized cards. I looked at them and they were the Mickey Mouse flipping the finger cards that says

“ Thanks for parking so f$#@ing lose to me. Next time leave me a f*&%ing can opener so I get into my car a$$hole!’

Before he walks away, he says, put one of these on the car that parks too close to you. It will give you a smile.

Cards are sitting in my change section of my car. Sometimes, I love when I am wrong. When I get into that mode when I think I know it all from “been there done that” past experiences and I’m proven wrong, it’s refreshing.

2007-05-16T10:02:00.001-07:00

Henry Rollins - Drawing Conclusions - "Wall-Mart"

2007-05-15T12:42:00.000-07:00

Why education is a good thing

Orange County, Florida
Home to all of America's ~~greatest~~ dumbest criminal masterminds.

According to local police, the man – now identified as James Taylor – walked into a Bank of America branch located inside a grocery store, and showed the cashier a note and a gun, concealed inside a newspaper.

His robbery successfully completed, the robber walked outside, drove across the street, changed his shirt and went into a restaurant for a beer…presumably to celebrate his successful strategy.

However, a customer who was in the store at the same time as the robbery and was in Taylor’s bad luck -- directly behind him at the time of the robbery watched him leave and enter Giovanni's restaurant. The celebration ended early when the customer than called the police.

Scrap metal recycling is not this profitable.

According to local authorities, 18-year-old Damion M. Mosher who recycles scrap metal for a return of approximately $1.70 per pound. Unfortunately, he’s perfectly ~~sensible~~ irrational plan to get the shell casings off live bullets wasn’t well thought out and went off with a BaNg!

He placed live bullets in a vice, putting a screwdriver on the primer and hitting them with a hammer to get the shell casing off until one finally went off, leaving him with a bullet embedded half an inch into his abdomen.

Amazingly, Mosher had already emptied about 100-bullet in this method until I can only assume some higher deity decided he needed a good lesson in logical thinking.

Sorry, but Mosher is no Darwin winner. The scrap metal recycler of Lake Luzerne, New York, was treated in hospital and released.

Hissed Off Student

Even geese don’t like lawyers…

Final year law student Sam Rozati was walking home through the campus, past a lake at Essex University in Colchester when four bully geese decided to have a little fun with the student. In the moment of surprise Rozati dropped his cell phone in fright and one of the birds ran off with it in its beak.

“They flew over and started biting my hand until I dropped the phone. I've never been mugged by anyone before, but now I've been mugged by three geese,” said the 23-year-old.

Since the phone was set on Silent, he has been unable to locate the phone. The nationality of the geese is not noted, secret sources say the geese were probably of Romanian gyspy origin… J/K

Geek Squad Hospital – Open For Business & Needing Repairs

2007-05-10T10:35:00.000-07:00

Being Smart Doesn't Always Pay The Bills

This is what happens when you upset a customer who happens to be an engineer.

Shawn Hogan Fan Club

2007-05-10T10:13:00.000-07:00

A Creative Mind & Strategic Placement

It believe as a majority it is human nature to desire the new over that which is old. Otherwise, why would New and Improved be so popular among the latest and greatest products – consumers clamor to the next great thing.

Print advertising isn’t dead and it definitely plays an important place in today’s advertising and marketing campaigns. I believe the main reason that people are so captivated with online marketing is the ease with which it’s effectiveness can be tracked.

However, these print ads prove that a creative mind and strategic placement is what catches consumer’s attention.

2007-05-09T15:59:00.000-07:00

Microsoft's oFone Is The Phone To Know!

The oFone makes the iPhone look obsolete, old and redundant! Not only as a techie device but as a whole concept. There is no comparison between the two devices as they are not even in the same universe. Microsoft's oFone is the future! It has a circular text display, and it folds like nothing you have ever seen and it’s also highly customizable and completely fake!

Yep...MS created a great spoof video depicting a fold-out device with circular text display with variable number placement and doubles as a boomerang.

2007-05-08T16:56:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day Is Every Day When You’re Psychotic

Top Five Mother Psychotics

Formally Mrs. Andreas M.

Divorce is difficult for anyone. But for one Austrian woman, who has only been identified as the wife of "Andreas M.," divorce transformed her from an accomplished attorney into an outright Mother Psychotic.

Shortly after the divorce, the then 46-year-old former Mrs. locked her three daughters, ages 7, 11, and 13 in her upper middle-class suburb house. She shut the blinds, and allowed only one lightbulb. For the next seven years they remained without sunlight or fresh air.

Her ex-husband, a local judge was not allowed to see them, despite his claims for access reaching court nine times.
The girls were rescued only when police broke into the house after a neighbour had repeatedly reported his suspicions several times and finally threatened a local council official with a lawsuit.

Kathy Bush

Why do we continue to trust bushes when they’re all weeds?

Kathy Bush had the role of "long-suffering mother" down to a science. Her seven-year-old daughter, Jennifer, had been hospitalized nearly 200 times for a rare gastrointestinal illness until too many claims of “woe is me” didn’t add up.

The Bush family claimed they were broke due to the medical bills but there was, apparently, money available for trips to Disney World and a $25,000 motorcycle. Then an anonymous tip came in: Why did Jennifer's health always seem to decline whenever her mother (Psychotic) was around? Turns out, Bush had been making Jennifer sick by speeding up her feeding tube, giving her excessive and potentially lethal doses of anti-seizure medication, and even contaminating her blood with feces.

Authorities suspected Münchausen syndrome by proxy (MSBP), a condition in which mothers deliberately keep their children sick, or make them sicker to make themselves look like the heroes and all caring adoring mother…

Bush was convicted of child abuse and fraud and sentenced to five years in prison.

Jeanette Maier

Business women
Canal Street Madam
Mother Psychotic

Jeanette Maier was a businesswoman whose business was women and that included her daughter, Monica. By age 15, Monica had started stripping with her mother, and by 23, she was turning tricks and paying mom and grandma's steep 50 percent commission. Geeze no family discount!

Jeanette compared time spent at the brothel to college life. "It was like family. It was like a sorority of girls," she told 48 Hours. "We'd hang out, watch movies, eat popcorn at night." And to make matters even more bizarre, Jeanette's own mother also worked at the brothel until the age 62 where she took on administrative duties.

After all were caught, Jeanette Maier whored out her story with the tell all book called The Madam's Family: The Truth about the Canal Street Brothel. We can only hope the real Monica got a better deal on film rights than she did working for Mother Psychotic.

Dakeysha Lee

One good thing that Dakeysha Lee did was to give birth to an incredibly industrious child. For the 19 days Lee was in prison for aggravated assault, her 2-year-old toddler Breanna lived a real-life Home Alone.

Brianna was left to her devices, with only a TV to keep her company and whatever food she could manage to pull from the refrigerator and kitchen cabinets.

She lived on dry pasta and condiment packets for nearly three weeks. Her father says the girl was found watching cartoons, covered in ketchup residue.

Mother Psychotic lost custody to the child…

Wanda Holloway

Mothers have always been willing to kill to protect they’re daughters…

Wanda Holloway killed to get her on the Cheerleading team. Now that is Psychotic Motherly love. Holloway put out a hit on the mother of one of her 13-year-old daughter's cheerleading competitors. Her plot failed, but Halloway became a legend among stage moms everywhere.

Though the crime should have earned her 15 years in prison, she was released after six months and continues to live in Houston, Texas.

After the incident, the principal of her daughter's school told Time magazine, "There is a part of Wanda Holloway in all of us." Which confirms that Texas is a severly screwed up state!

Bonus: Wanda Holloway has earned the rare distinction of spawning not one but two TV movies: The Positively True Adventures of the Alleged Texas Cheerleader-Murdering Mom, starring Holly Hunter, and Willing to Kill: The Texas Cheerleader Story.

Mother's Day is May 13th!
Don't forget to remember your non Mother Psychotic kind of mom.

2007-05-08T09:02:00.000-07:00

Sticky Keys - Waffleware

Because breakfast just isn't nerdy, I present to you the Keyboard Waffle Iron.

Some of the best blog comments I found online:

I'm afraid I can only eat 3 WPM
Do you get a poached egg mouse on the side?
Leggo my Commodore
CTRL-ALT-DELicious
MY CAPSLOCK IS STUCK! BREAKFAST HAS BEEN RUINED!
Ugh these Waffles are terrible -ALT F4-
For those seeking the "key" to a good breakfast
Please eat ANY key to continue
A part of this balanced workstation.

Chris Dimino a strange but cool artist is the designer behind waffle iron maker. Which means don't expect this to be sold at Target any time soon. Chris Dimino is one of those (since there is no artist picture I have no idea) guys / or gals that takes ordinary tasks and turns them into bizarre but cool objects of geeky lust.

The keyboard waffle iron is one of the latest idea s/he cooked up along with his keyboard vacuum and a table hockey game made entirely out of typewriter parts.

So here is the moment you have been waiting for. It’s OK to spill syrup on your keyboard! I would have said coffee but coffee and waffles? Hmmm coffee waffles – yo McDonalds have I got an idea for you!

Coming soon from ThinkGeek...caffeinated maple syrup! (J/K)

2007-05-04T17:08:00.001-07:00

South Park MAC vs PC

2007-05-04T14:42:00.000-07:00

Dam It!

A beaver creates a dam to protect themselves from predators as well as storage enough food for the winter season. The Dam Tower does essentially both in a technological kind of way.

Don’t know what you’re looking at? It took me a few seconds to wrap my mind around the fact that someone actually took the time to wrap they’re their high-spec computer inside a beaver.

Beaver took three months to build and I believe we have entered a whole new realm of technology and nature fusion. Just like the Mouse mouse, the Los Angeles artist Kasey McMahon (first to combine taxidermy and IT together) used an actual beaver and sculptured the critter to her specifications.

I’m pretty open minded, but I can’t help but picture the scene of a boyfriend walking in on his girlfriend and cheerfully asks

Boyfriend: “Honey what are you doing?”

Female Nerd: “I just bought this already stuffed beaver and I’m using the electric kitchen knife your mom gave me for Christmas to cut away the foam stuffed inside, than reinforced it with fiberglass. It’s going to be really cool, I’m going to put my computer tower inside it and call it ‘Compubeaver’.

Next day by text message

Boyfriend: I think we should see other people

How to make your own Beaver

2007-05-02T09:11:00.000-07:00

Second Life: Ima goin to the courts

The wild fire of Second life continues to amazes me. Eveybody is jumping in and everyday anther international corporation is joining. Even my boss would like to see me inside this virtual life whoring arena…

I'm not doing it, I refuse, you can not make me have a third life with Second Life.

Actually, my boss could drag me into it rather I liked it or not. However, I got him where it hurts. I told him the only way I would allow part of my real life to be vampirically sucked by virtual cats, foxes and other members of the virtual race would be if he bought me the second computer or laptop with all the bells, bows and whistles. He hasn't brought up the subject again…yet.

So who is the newest Second Life Vampire?

The National Basketball Association… Now, you too can pretend you're a big bad sexy cat basketball playing mutha! Match sure your tail stays in bounds, I believe that's still considered a foul.

Here's the ironic tid bit of news…

After signing a deal with Google to host its highlights on YouTube, the NBA enlisted the services of virtual-world content creator Electric Sheep to build an NBA headquarters in Second Life. According to a NBC Representative it's cool and hip interactive. Can I hear a YO!

Does anyone else find the humor that a company called Electric Sheep is the favored creator for virtual worlds?

It gets better. The NBA 'playground' has games and features "designed to bring people back." The grounds includes a 3-D simulation of NBA games where users can sit in the stands and are able to change their viewpoint with ease. But to really sweeten the deal after the big boys are done playing, us mere virtual fan boys / girls can take to the courts to play a game of H.O.R.S.E. Yippee! I can play sports in a virtual world instead of going to the courts to play it for realz.

It's no surprise that Second Life's Linden Labs is overflowing in enthusiasm for their newest citizens. NBA fans will be able to join SL from the NBA web site and start playing H.O.R.S.E.

For what I can only guess is an attempt at realism of the courts, the virtual playground is sponsored by T-Mobile, Toyota and Cisco Systems. I can understand the T-Mobile and Cisco Systems sponsorship, but Toyota?

"Yo, dude stop trying to crack in on my H.O.R.S.E playing time… I'm on R muthaF$@er!'

Summer clothing NOT list

2007-04-30T17:24:00.000-07:00

Need a new job? Seagull Frightener
Brighton, Sussex UK

* Applicants must possess a love of the outdoors
*An understanding of seagull-related problems
*Good eyesight and fast feet
* Company broom & whistle provided

Colin Jones, 38, advertised for help after being injured by birds while working on rooftops. The building company boss was so fed up of dive-bombing seagulls that he has hired a bodyguard to fend them off with a broom and now also implores a whistle to scare the birds while at work in Brighton.

Personal Trainer Careers May Be the Next Big Career Trend»»

2007-04-30T15:26:00.001-07:00

Ten Ridiculous Lawsuits

1) If I just drink enough beer, women will love me, right? 1991, Richard Overton sued Anheuser-Busch for $10,000. He claimed to have suffered emotional distress, mental injury, and financial loss because drinking beer did not make his fantasies of beautiful women in tropical settings come to life, as he claimed it had advertised, driving him to buy and drink more Bud Light. The case was dismissed.

2) If you can’t sue the system, sue yourself. 1995, Robert Lee Brock sued himself for $5 million. He claimed that he had violated his own civil rights and religious beliefs by allowing himself to get drunk and commit crimes which landed him in the Indian Creek Correctional Center in Virginia, serving a 23 year sentence for grand larceny and breaking and entering. What could he possibly have to gain by suing himself? Since being in prison prevented him from having an income, he expected the state to pay. This case was thrown out.

3) Criminals need not bear the responsibility for their crimes alone when the real money is in Hollywood. 1996, the family of Patsy Ann Byers sued Oliver Stone, Warner Brother, and others involved in the making and distribution of the movie Natural Born Killers for an unspecified amount. They claimed that the movie caused Sarah Edmondson and Benjamin Darrus to go on a crime spree which resulted in Edmonson shooting Byers during a robbery, leaving her paralyzed from the chest down. The lawsuit was originally filed in 1995, against Edmonson and Darrus, the actual perpetrators of the crime spree. Stone and the others involved with the film were added in 1996. The portion of the case aimed at Stone and his associates was dismissed in 2001.

4) Since when were haunted houses frightening? 2000, Cleanthi Peters sued Universal Studios for $15,000. She claimed to have suffered extreme fear, mental anguish, and emotional distress due to visiting Universal Studios’ Halloween Horror Nights haunted house, which she said was too scary.

5) When kids commit heinous crimes, who is responsible? The makers of every video game they’ve ever played, of course. 2001, Linda Sanders and other family members of Columbine High School shooting victims sued 25 movie and video game companies for $5 billion, in a class action lawsuit.They claimed that were it not for movies includingThe Basketball Diaries and videos games including Doom, Duke Nukem, Quake, Mortal Kombat, Resident Evil, Mech Warrior, Wolfenstein, Redneck Rampage, Final Fantasy, and Nightmare Creatures, the massacre would not have occurred, and that the makers and distributors of the movies and games were partly to blame for their loved ones’ deaths. The case was thrown out and the plaintiffs were ordered to compensate the video game and movie companies for their legal fees

6) Negligent security is a legitimate claim, when you’re the victim, not the perpetrator! 2002, Edward Brewer sued Providence Hospital for $2 million. He claimed that the hospital was negligent because it had not prevented him from raping one of its patients. The judge ruled that any damage Brewer suffered due to his crime was his responsibility for choosing to commit the crime, and that the hospital had no legal duty to protect him from that choice.

7) In another role reversal, dog killer sues victim’s owner for mental anguish. 2003, Andrew Burnett sued Sara McBurnett and the San Jose Mercury News, claiming they had caused him to suffer mental anguish and post traumatic stress disorder. Burnett filed the lawsuit while serving a three-year sentence for killing defendant McBurnett’s dog in a road rage incident, claiming that the incident had caused his suffering. The case was thrown out.

8) Music piracy can get you in real trouble, but you have to be alive to do it. 2005, Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) sued Gertrude Walton, who had passed away the year before at the age of 83, after having received notice of her death and a copy of the death certificate. The RIAA claimed that Watson had illegally downloaded and shared over 700 songs. Watson’s daughter claims that she never even had a computer in the house. Although RIAA dropped the case against Watson, it was only one of over 20,000 similar lawsuits filed by the association beginning in 2003. While some of the lawsuits are legitimate cases of piracy, defendants have included a twelve-year-old girl whose parents wound up paying RIAA $2,000, and families who have never owned a computer. Defendants can face charges of $150,000 per song.

9) Weak stomachs and gross-out TV don’t mix. 2005, Austin Aitken sued NBC for $2.5 million. He claimed that an episode of “Fear Factor” caused him “suffering, injury, and great pain.” He said that watching the contestants eat rats on television made him dizzy and light-headed, causing him to vomit and run into a doorway. He judge said the case was frivolous and threw it out.

10) Mistaken for a superstar? How insulting! 2006, Allen Heckard sued Michael Jordan and Nike founder Phil Knight for $832 million. He claimed to suffer defamation, permanent injury, and emotional pain and suffering because people often mistook him for the basketball star. Heckard dropped the lawsuit later that year.

What Are They Famous For?

2007-04-30T15:26:00.000-07:00

Ten Ridiculous Lawsuits

1) If I just drink enough beer, women will love me, right? 1991, Richard Overton sued Anheuser-Busch for $10,000. He claimed to have suffered emotional distress, mental injury, and financial loss because drinking beer did not make his fantasies of beautiful women in tropical settings come to life, as he claimed it had advertised, driving him to buy and drink more Bud Light. The case was dismissed.

2) If you can’t sue the system, sue yourself. 1995, Robert Lee Brock sued himself for $5 million. He claimed that he had violated his own civil rights and religious beliefs by allowing himself to get drunk and commit crimes which landed him in the Indian Creek Correctional Center in Virginia, serving a 23 year sentence for grand larceny and breaking and entering. What could he possibly have to gain by suing himself? Since being in prison prevented him from having an income, he expected the state to pay. This case was thrown out.

3) Criminals need not bear the responsibility for their crimes alone when the real money is in Hollywood. 1996, the family of Patsy Ann Byers sued Oliver Stone, Warner Brother, and others involved in the making and distribution of the movie Natural Born Killers for an unspecified amount. They claimed that the movie caused Sarah Edmondson and Benjamin Darrus to go on a crime spree which resulted in Edmonson shooting Byers during a robbery, leaving her paralyzed from the chest down. The lawsuit was originally filed in 1995, against Edmonson and Darrus, the actual perpetrators of the crime spree. Stone and the others involved with the film were added in 1996. The portion of the case aimed at Stone and his associates was dismissed in 2001.

4) Since when were haunted houses frightening? 2000, Cleanthi Peters sued Universal Studios for $15,000. She claimed to have suffered extreme fear, mental anguish, and emotional distress due to visiting Universal Studios’ Halloween Horror Nights haunted house, which she said was too scary.

5) When kids commit heinous crimes, who is responsible? The makers of every video game they’ve ever played, of course. 2001, Linda Sanders and other family members of Columbine High School shooting victims sued 25 movie and video game companies for $5 billion, in a class action lawsuit.They claimed that were it not for movies includingThe Basketball Diaries and videos games including Doom, Duke Nukem, Quake, Mortal Kombat, Resident Evil, Mech Warrior, Wolfenstein, Redneck Rampage, Final Fantasy, and Nightmare Creatures, the massacre would not have occurred, and that the makers and distributors of the movies and games were partly to blame for their loved ones’ deaths. The case was thrown out and the plaintiffs were ordered to compensate the video game and movie companies for their legal fees

6) Negligent security is a legitimate claim, when you’re the victim, not the perpetrator! 2002, Edward Brewer sued Providence Hospital for $2 million. He claimed that the hospital was negligent because it had not prevented him from raping one of its patients. The judge ruled that any damage Brewer suffered due to his crime was his responsibility for choosing to commit the crime, and that the hospital had no legal duty to protect him from that choice.

7) In another role reversal, dog killer sues victim’s owner for mental anguish. 2003, Andrew Burnett sued Sara McBurnett and the San Jose Mercury News, claiming they had caused him to suffer mental anguish and post traumatic stress disorder. Burnett filed the lawsuit while serving a three-year sentence for killing defendant McBurnett’s dog in a road rage incident, claiming that the incident had caused his suffering. The case was thrown out.

8) Music piracy can get you in real trouble, but you have to be alive to do it. 2005, Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) sued Gertrude Walton, who had passed away the year before at the age of 83, after having received notice of her death and a copy of the death certificate. The RIAA claimed that Watson had illegally downloaded and shared over 700 songs. Watson’s daughter claims that she never even had a computer in the house. Although RIAA dropped the case against Watson, it was only one of over 20,000 similar lawsuits filed by the association beginning in 2003. While some of the lawsuits are legitimate cases of piracy, defendants have included a twelve-year-old girl whose parents wound up paying RIAA $2,000, and families who have never owned a computer. Defendants can face charges of $150,000 per song.

9) Weak stomachs and gross-out TV don’t mix. 2005, Austin Aitken sued NBC for $2.5 million. He claimed that an episode of “Fear Factor” caused him “suffering, injury, and great pain.” He said that watching the contestants eat rats on television made him dizzy and light-headed, causing him to vomit and run into a doorway. He judge said the case was frivolous and threw it out.

10) Mistaken for a superstar? How insulting! 2006, Allen Heckard sued Michael Jordan and Nike founder Phil Knight for $832 million. He claimed to suffer defamation, permanent injury, and emotional pain and suffering because people often mistook him for the basketball star. Heckard dropped the lawsuit later that year.

Police Officials - New Crime Detection & Prevention Technology

2007-04-26T14:20:00.000-07:00

Bobby "Boris" Pickett - Monster Mash Passes Away

Bobby "Boris" Pickett, singer of "Monster Mash," with the famous gravely intoned forever-stuck-in-your-head Boris Karloff voice: "He did the monster mash. ... It was a graveyard smash," has died of leukemia at the age of 69

Pickett used the impersonation in a nightclub act and when performing with his band the Cordials. A band mate convinced Pickett they needed to do a song to showcase the Karloff voice, and "Monster Mash" was born.

"Monster Mash" hit the Billboard chart three times: when it debuted in 1962, reaching No. 1 the week before Halloween. Again in August 1970, and for a third time in May 1973. So popular, that several other bands have done 'covers' but there will always only be one Monster Mash.

He remained in demand for Halloween performances, including a memorable 1973 show where his bus broke down outside Frankenstein, Missouri.

What Are They Famous For?

2007-04-26T09:36:00.000-07:00

SEO: Brainstorming Ways to Get Attention Online

See the whole process click here

SEO Jokes

Definitions of SEO: Search Engine Optimization.

The term used to describe the marketing technique of preparing a website to enhance its chances of being ranked in the top results of a search engine once a relevant search is undertaken. A number of factors are important when optimising a website, including the content and structure of the website's copy and page layout, the HTML meta-tags and the submission process.

SEOs are safe from the threat of automation taking over their professions. No one would build a robot to do nothing.
Talk is cheap…until SEOs get involved.
Old SEOs never die, they just lose their rankings.
What do you call 25 skydiving SEOs?
Skeet.
Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the SEOs?
New Jersey got first pick

NOTE: I liked this one simply because I’m in California

Why won’t sharks attack SEOs?
Professional courtesy.
Two SEOs were walking along negotiating a case. “Look,” said one, “let’s be honest with each other.” “Okay, you first,” replied the other. End of discussion.

The problem with SEOs jokes is that most SEOs don’t think they are funny, and most people don’t understand that they’re just jokes!

2007-04-24T23:13:00.000-07:00

Kodak - Because they know it's grass!

BOO ZHA!

2007-04-24T10:37:00.000-07:00

Sponge Bob No-Pants

Here’s a dirty joke for you

A man falls into a mud pit naked.

That’s the joke, the whole joke… he falls in the mud…he’s dirty,

get it?

Have I corrupted you? Burger King has a sense of humor and yet the American Family Association thinks Burger King is corrupting American children with they’re new Sponge Bob No-Pants commercial.

So upset that Burger King is “corrupting the youth by senselessly using adult nudity to appeal to children!” that they want you to boycott Burger King… sigh…

Here’s the real deal, the dopey dad is covered with bubbles from his bubble bath when he suddenly gets the “funny” and poses for his wife with a sponge on his head and tells her he's "Sponge Bob No-Pants."

As a woman, I think it’s cute. Not drop down rolling with laughter, but definitely cute and amusing. This is a silly whacky way of calling your attention to their Sponge Bob Square Pants promotion and playing on the silliness of dads and other family members. This will not make kids think of sex. It'll make them think of their own dopey Dads. Why heck, they may even bring up other times a family member did something dopey and all will share a laugh…

If you find the commercial cute and disagree with The American Family Association, let them know. Burger King doesn’t accept emails, so you’ll just have to pick up the ancient tool called a pen and write a letter (look up what a letter is at Wikipedia) and mail it to them. No… USPS is a mailing service, not a hunting club. Don’t forget the stamp!

Burger King Corp
C/O Customer Relations
5505 Blue Lagoon Drive (yes this really is they're address)
Miami, FL 33126

Phone #: 305-378-3000

2007-04-24T05:00:00.000-07:00

Fun With Coffee

It's amazing what you can do with homemade coffee or just a cup of coffee, cream and chocolate syrup.

2 (1/4	ounce) envelopes unflavored gelatin
1/2	cup cold coffee (or Kahlua)
3	cups hot coffee
1/4	cup sugar (or uo to 3/4 c according to desired sweetness)

Serve with sweetened whipped cream.

Behind every successful woman...is a substantial amount of coffee. - Stephanie Piro

Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister. ~ Bob Irwin

He was my cream, and I was his coffee -
And when you poured us together, it was something.
~Josephine Baker

Caffeine is on the International Olympic Committee list of prohibited substances. Athletes who test positive for more than 12 micrograms of caffeine per milliliter of urine may be banned from the Olympic Games. This level may be reached after drinking about 5 cups of coffee.

 You know what separates humans from
animals?  Coffee!!! 
~Author Unknown

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.
~T.S. Eliot






Coffee leads men to trifle away their time, scald their chops, and
spend their money, all for a little base, black, thick, nasty, bitter,
stinking nauseous puddle water.
~The Women's Petition Against Coffee, 1674


My blood type is Folgers.  ~Author Unknown

COFFEE.SYS Not Found:  User startup disabled.  ~Author Unknown




Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
~Author Unknown


I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as
a perfume.  
~John Van Druten




Chocolate, men, coffee - some things are better rich.  ~ (Female) Author Unknown

Culinary Arts Career Opportunities

2007-04-23T14:36:00.000-07:00

"I want to fly away... but not into a tree"

If you want to fly, learn how to fly from an accredited college.

Aircraft Maintenance / Technicians Careers