Online Humor

Outer Galactic!

My closet is packed with nothing! What am I going to wear to Saturn!?

I don't meant to stereo type women especially since I am one, but I am one of those women who will go into her closet for a special not of the norm kind of event and see that I have nothing interesting to wear.

* Wore that last Saturday

* Wore that for Thanksgiving

* Wore that for XXX's party

* Wore that for the summer picnic

* Don't like that

* Not right for this

DAMN! Nothing to wear!

Don't you just hate it when a guy says "What's wrong with this?" and he pulls out some dress you wouldn't wear to a food fight let alone some cool Outer Galactic Hot Spot.

So if you have already passed the medical test and your seat on the spaceship flight is booked than you may think your done... No... What are you going to wear? It may be all good and fine and dandy for your boi to wear jeans and his favorite Battlestar Galaxy t-shirt but us femmes want a bit more style when we arrive on Saturn.

However, your fashion nerdeta has found a solution. Orbital Outfitters, a new Los Angeles based company has promised to dress the first space tourists and crew members in style.

"When someone puts on an IS3 (sub-orbital space suit), they will be protected by the best technology we cam muster, yet they will look like they've stepped off the set of a science fiction movie," said Orbital Outfitters president Rick Tumlinson.

Tumlinson said the suits will have a Grand Prix or NASCAR jumpsuit look to them and will bear the colors and logos of the rocket firm on which the passenger is flying.

Unfortunately, the Orbital Outfitters website didn't have any designs to temp my palate, which means space tourist fashions will either be dreadfulness catwalk Milan or Judy Jetson Out Of This World. However, they have stated their mission is "to provide affordable, industrial quality spacesuits and related services to commercial and government space travelers and explorers." Sooooo a combination of both? As long as they have something relatively cute in black and in my size, I'll be content.

"With billionaires funding the new space companies and passengers paying up to $200,000 for a ride, safety is important. We intend to also make it chic," said Orbital Outfitters President Rick Tumlinson

Put your credit cards away, Tumlinson said Orbital Outfitters is planning to be on the leading edge of space suit fashion in the tourism but isn't expected to blast off until around 2008. It will deliver its first space suits in 2007 to crews of the California-based rocket powered vehicle company XCOR and then lease custom-fitted suits to the first mass space tourists.

Safety will be paramount and the suits will be made to protect passengers from extreme cold for reptilian gurls like me and will provide life-support functions for 30 minutes at 500,000 feet, or 95 miles high. Ummm isn't Saturn a lot further than that?

Here's the catch... the cost of leasing the suit for one trip is expected to be approximately $3,000 to 6,000 - that's what? Two or 3 X boxes bought on EBay?

Now, what am I going to do with my hair and make up?