Monday Night - Naturally caffeinated people are not made for traditional yoga.

As some may or may not know…. I’m taking karate and I am ridiculously not flexible. Last week I stretched out with a girl (16 or 17 years old) who was crazy flexible. So I decided I was going to try yoga again in hopes that I could be a bit more flexible.

Torture comes in many disguises and yoga is one of them.

The exercise room was dim and the music was traditional meditation and the teacher was stereo-typical Mad magazine yogi. I kept looking around thinking ok where are the hidden cameras, who is famous in this class and where is Ashton Kutcher hiding?

The stretches were not so bad, I do a couple of them in karate but the time to hold them was too much and than the teacher would forget to tell us to switch sides. He may want to forgo the Peace Pipe before teaching classes. At one point, a lot of women who apparently were doing a particular stretch correctly looked like a group of crabs that were missing a leg on each side.

Welcome to Crab Amputee Anonymous - where we don’t judge you any differently for having only 4 legs… and no shell and no claws… oh wait these were mostly women we have claws.

Back to yoga

So as if were not already in these strange formations of human Gumby arrangements he would go around to different people or just at will say things like “how are you doing today? Are you ok? Is all well? Lets all be at peace. Just let everything flow. “

One of the things he said and I’m sorry (sorta of), I did chuckle out loud… He would say “lets do this for 10 breaths or not, who knows, who am I say, do what you can”

WTF? You’re the one to say because you’re the instructor.

I thought my Thursday night karate instructor was a sadistic… no he’s just tough. With my wacky imagination, I can totally picture this guy going through 3 hours (3 different classes) of yoga filled with peace and love and reaching towards spiritual wholeness and than going home to put on his leather and fetish wear next to his Goodie Closet and giving instructions of a whole different meaning.

Ya know…. That stripper dance aerobic class doesn’t sound so wacky anymore.