Real News - Real Wallys

You know your a Wally when: You shoot your friend instead the cow while "Cow Huntng".

You know your a Wally when: Your asked to paint (or repaint) yellow parking lines designed to show people where to park i.e. within the yellow markers and you paint a 18-inch yellow line where only one wheel of a tricycle would fit.

You know your a Wally when: You shoot a 4 inch nail into your skull. You know your a super dumbass when You complain about a severe headaches to emergency room doctors and they reveal that you have been carrying the 4 inch nail in your skull for four years.

You know your a Wally when: You wear catwalk fashions. Don't try this at home - Models show bathing suit "accessories" from the fashion designer Algirmiro Palencia of Venezuela. A hair piñata and Rio de Janeiro fisherman's viel.

You know your a Wally when: You take your girlfriend shopping with her pet duck - than go into the store next to the store your girlfriend and her duck is shopping to shop lift iPod speakers…get caught, run into the store for the car keys from your girlfriend, try to escape, knock over your girlfriend with your car, almost run over the duck, escape your dumbass created chaos only to hit a car in your 'get away' flight …

The other dumbass is that someone recognized this as a News Breaking Story in Snohomish County and appropriately named the story "Duck emerges victorious from car incident" I need a chocolate martini!

Not quite dumbass, but funny.

"I fell in to a burning ring of fire
I went down,down,down
and the flames went higher."
- Johnny Cash 'Ring of Fire'

One of Japan's leading toilet makers has been forced to offer free repairs to 180,000 of its hi-tech lavatories, after three of them caught fire. The hi-tech lavatories made by top manufacturer Toto Ltd. - burst into flames following faults with their electronic bidet accessories, but a further 26 started smoking.

"Fortunately, nobody was using the toilets when the firse broke out and there were no injuries - The fire would have been just under your buttocks," spokeswoman Emi Tanaka said reassuringly.