Are You A Lazy Kitchen John?

One of the best ways to know if a guy is worth dating is by looking inside his refrigerator. John lived in an adorable Bay area cottage with hardwood floors in a just as adorable Bay area city just outside of San Francisco. Everything about him was adorable except his refrigerator. The first time I went to his apartment (during the summer) I asked if he had anything cold to drink. Being an adorable sort of man he nonchalantly told me he had some cold soda pops in the refrigerator.

I walked into his adorable petite kitchen that contained his charming rustic refrigerator and opened the door to a ghastly so very not adorable contents. I actually closed the refrigerator door and I remember thinking I must have been heat induced delusional for a moment there… I opened the refrigerator door again and was frozen in a Medusa like horrific sculpture as I stared at hundreds of dead ants inside his refrigerator and a trail of dead ants leading into his freezer.

In addition, there was one six pack of soda pop, a small pizza box, a few empty fast food bags and some plastic containers that could have only come from mom but have contained life forms that Cthulhu himself would have felt motherly pride for.

When a person places more importance on they’re $300 sunglasses instead of spending $50 for maid service, ya just gotta realize they’re priorities are a bit spoiled. Obviously, we didn’t date very long.

The reason this story reemerged to the front of my memory is because I saw a nifty new gadget that all kitchen lazy Johns (people) should have. The Double U Days Ago Digital Day Counter

Suction and magnetic style gadgets count the days of the container from the time you first placed it in the refrigerator. So, now instead of seeing a half opened jar of spaghetti sauce, you can now see the half opened jar of spaghetti sauce is 32 days old, thirty-two days later. It won’t tell you if the sauce has gone bad, but if you’re a lazy kitchen Jon, the ants will do that for you.