Top Ten New Years Resolutions for Tom, the Face of MySpace

1. I, Tom, the face of MySpace, resolve to comment all one-hundred-thirty million of my friends by the end of the year. To accomplish this feat, I, Tom, need to comment an average of three-hundred-fifty thousand friends a day. Because this will involve commenting two-hundred-forty friends a minute, I will use this as my excuse for all unresolved technical issues.

2. I, Tom, the face of MySpace, resolve to never wear white T-shirts again. I, Tom, will consult with one of my fashion forward MySpace friends in order to avoid finding myself on the Learning Channel show What Not to Wear.

3. I, Tom, the face of MySpace, resolve to delete all fake celebrities, including all two-thousand Paris Hilton profiles. People who have too much time on their hands will continue to be able to create food and object profiles to their heart’s delight.

4. I, Tom, the face of MySpace, resolve to personally answer all my messages. I, Tom, fear I may lose most of my friends because I have read the thousands of warnings my friends have sent out about not being a true MySpace friend.

5. I, Tom, the face of MySpace, resolve to begin charging all members who post bulletins claiming that MySpace is going to start charging for its free services.

6. I, Tom, the face of MySpace, resolve to delete all members who post bulletins claiming that I, Tom, am angry and have begun deleting profiles in my rage.

7. I, Tom, the face of MySpace, resolve to post a video of myself singing karaoke. I listed karaoke as one of my interests, yet people still refuse to believe I have fun.

8. I, Tom, the face of MySpace, resolve to make a guest appearance on one of my favorite televisions shows – Desperate Housewives, Lost, 24 or American Idol. If my agent cannot get me on one of these shows, I, Tom, resolve to try out for American Idol in an effort to make this goal.

9. I, Tom, the face of MySpace, resolve to change my top friends to only include profiles which spoof my identity. I, Tom, have a sense of humor and am eager to show it.

10. I, Tom, the face of MySpace, resolve finally admit that I, Tom, am the only person who works at MySpace and will cease blaming my imaginary co-workers for all technical issues.