Changing Your Monday Attitude From Non Productive Bad To Efficiently Bad

I’m not going to lie - I am far from the cheerleading peppy girl on Mondays. As a matter of fact, I’m more like the Basket Case from the Breakfast Club when I come in every Monday. I walk in, go straight to my desk with that “I’m here aren’t I” expression on my face and the first thing I grab is my empty coffee cup soon to be filled with coffee so thick, you practically need rolling papers.

I know that I’m supposed to gleefully tell you that all you simply need to do is put on smile and have a great attitude towards a fresh new start to a week full of possibilities… {Bleep} that!

Sunday nights is my night to go to my favorite nigh club. Can there be anything more devious to ruin your Monday than a bubbly colleague who is full of the joys of work unfinished and yet to come?

As a Los Angeles implant (like the majority of Beverly Hills and Santa Monica), I am geologically programmed to spot the cloud that smothers the silver lining. So when I come across an connoisseur in happiness sending ripples of joy across my personal pool of gloom on Monday, my first reaction is a low warning growl.

I enjoy my Monday misery, I find it to be a creative stream, - a polluted Los Angeles River stream of media trash, but nevertheless, I find creation in it. Any other day of the week, I’m pretty OK and am even quite chipper, but not on Mondays.

I’ve tried reading several Be Happy Monday articles and blogs and how to be a happy person regardless of how you wake up. From all of my reading, I have determined one thing and three choices.

1) The blissfully smiling profile web site author pictures are deeply disturbing. I believe they’re aliens from an invading extraterrestrial world in human camouflage. Much like small toy dogs.

Choice #1 - I give up my Sunday night club social outing

Choice #2 – I don’t give up my Sunday night club social outing but find a way to be cheery

Choice #3 – I set afire choice # 1 & choice #2 and come up with some great cheater tips on getting through Monday.

I chose Choice #3 - NOTE: Don’t use too much lighter fluid – it’s overkill.

After I put out the fire, I came up with a list of some cheater tips. I hope they work as well for you as they do for me.

1. Make sure your desk is clean and organized on Friday. The goal is to be left alone every Monday and a messy desk invites intervention.

2. Walk quickly from the front door to your office and don’t make any stops on the way.

3. Never say hello to anyone on Monday, saying hello will encourage conversation.

4. Prepare almost completed daily work assignments on Friday so that on Monday you just need to do the unimportant details.

5. Keep your co workers away from you by talking about really weird non ordinary topics.

6. Get some sleep at your desk by sitting as you normally do but closing your eyes and moving your mouse around unconsciously. This way it looks like your reading and researching.

7. Find a co worker who stays out late on a week night (other than Sunday) and trade slacker time. In exchange for picking up some of your work load and covering for you on Mondays, cover for him / her on they’re slacker day.


8. Take a lot of one to two minute breaks - if you’re a chick don’t be too proud to use the cramps excuse, most guys do not even want to hear the first syllable of the word menstrual let alone the minor details of cramping. Most women understand and will leave ya alone for the rest of the day.

If you’re a guy, just use the “I got in to a fight with my girlfriend and we talked all night” excuse.

9. Drink a lot of water. Not only will this help you get over your hang over quicker, but you’ll have to use the bathroom more often.

10. Make sure to do your job exceptionally good on the other four days and your boss will most likely overlook your Monday badness.

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