Why I Will Never Be Fashionable

Every Monday I try to cram in a week’s worth of research to keep me busy for the rest of the week. There’s never a lack of news, weird reports or gadget creations so I’m not really sure why I do it. I often forget that my eyes need a break from looking at a monitor for seven plus hours so I try to remember to leave the building if only for ten minutes if I don't want to leave for lunch.

Anyway, I work in a fashion galleria and of course the galleria has the over priced fashionable retailers. I’ve browsed the shops many times but I refuse to pay $75 for a Hipster disheveled shirt that looks like someone’s granny embroidered a skull and cross bones on the back so that her geeky granddaughter could be “cool”.

Lately I’ve passed one shop in particular has stripper clothes on the display mannequins. Isn’t there some kind of high fashion retail shop ideology code? Apparently not because the store display has dresses that even though gaudy, a trophy wife wouldn’t even wear. As a matter of fact, the only customers I’ve seen in the store lately are the 23 and under girls still spending daddy’s money. However, my eyes needed a break and I was curious to see what additional skank-wear was available for purchase.

I will never be fashionable.

The first top I came across was a plain jane boring blue halter top suspended with cheap engraved and laminated discs. Price $40. Than there was a dress that only an camera phone could truly do justice to the goddess of skank-wear. Like the boring tribal insult themed top, the dress was boring blue. In the chest area is a huge 'WWF winning match' belt sized silver colored medallion of a cheetah. It was held in several places by blue thread around the circular Grand Slam Champion look-a-like metal.

What has happened to fashion? It wasn't all that long ago that spending our extra precious $ on material goods such as a handbag, a watch or a necklace was item that you would wear for decades and pass on to children. However, disheveled hipster and skank-wear seem to be the ongoing fashion choice. Investing in material future loved heirlooms seem to be hopelessly old-fashioned, out-dated and putdown.

I went online just to see what would come up under keywords such as not fashionable… I’m always curious. This was one of the first Blog postings I found and to me is pretty much sums up my distaste for fashion & all that is designer.

I HATE fake clothes, purses, sunglasses and anything else that is fake...not only is it BAD FASHION...it supports child labor and terrorism...SO PLEASE do the world and yourself a favor...if you can't afford the real thing stick to what you can afford...or save up all the money you waste on fake items and buy the real thing...you may think it is "a good fake purse" and no one can tell...but you are wrong...I can tell...and so can all the others that HAVE THE REAL THING or have a clue about the designers...so please STOP making yourself look like a fool...you can still be cute and fashionable WITHOUT ALL THE FAKE IMITATIONS...and just a tip...REAL ITEMS CANNOT BE purchased on the corner, out of someone's trunk, at a purse party, or at the little stands in the mall...

Written by a 26 year old bottle blonde who lists her interests as Gangster Grill and ILLINI boys, decorates her MySpace profile in 14 year old pastel hearts and stars and list her heroes as "I'm not spoiled, I'm well taken care of." The truly terrifying thing is that she says she is studying for the Bar exam. She is going to be a future Mrs. with a law degree… I’m sure that looks fabulous on her dating resume. In addition, her profile pictures shows her in nothing but fashionable attire, all of which is designer.

Fashion has taken over everything and everyone. Babies now wear Hot Topic, corporate CEOs have 'Gone Green' and the plus size industry has moved into the disheveled cool look. Even geeks are cool with sleeker and more obscure gadgets. Yahoo's favorite pictures often include shots from the latest fashion show, why? How is the hideous new creation newsworthy?

Not being particularly fashionable, perhaps it is not my place to criticize, but when I see a fashion that is so bazaar or just plain ugly, I feel like the little peasant who notices that the emperor has no clothes. Clothing can be very sexy, but whatever happened to alluring?

The one thing I hate most about the fashion world is that it turns people like Paris Hilton into stars. She's built like a skinny little boy (as are many runway models), but alluring? Her nose is sharp enough to whittle wood with, and she has the eyes of a hamster (and the life as one). I know she has a lot of money, but so does J.K. Rowling, and nobody treats her like a sex symbol.


This picture makes the models look like they stepped off an airplane from a third world country. Is poor fashionable? If it is, maybe I still have a chance at being fashionable.