Online Humor

The crazy musings of what I think is funny!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

You think your job sucks!


Court stenographer goes to jail and is under house arrest for working too slowly

SOURCE

Circuit Judge Charles Greene sent Ann Margaret Smith to prison for contempt of court in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, after she failed to finish typing a transcript needed for an appeal hearing for a convicted rapist.

To be fair, Greene did point out that Smith had failed to finish the transcript for several months now, and that she had been given a final deadline of last Friday – which she missed.

She then also failed to write up the transcript in time for her appearance on contempt of court charges.

Smith was eventually released from jail on Sunday night, after she told judge Greene that she couldn't do the work in prison because she was so worried about her three children at home.

The judge then relented, and allowed her out of jail – but immediately put her under house arrest until she completes the work.

Smith currently has around 400 pages of the 1,500 page transcript to go.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The Top Ten “I don’t know what to say” Gifts by Sierra Night Tide

There are some things you just don't give as Christmas gifts. There are some things that boggle your mind when you see what you got as a Christmas gift…

“I don’t know what to say.”

Items such, as perfumed deodorant doesn’t count as a feminine product of luxury so no one should even try to classify this as ‘perfume’. Yet almost everyone has received that ‘I don’t know what to say’ gift.

This is the season for greed, out doing your relative or co worker and bottom lines, so join in the capitalistic fun by buying gifts that give that “I don’t know what to say” effect.


10) The Men of Mortuaries Calendar 2008
Website

Dig the men of Mortuaries – had to be said. These hawt bois are just dying to show you how much they dig their job. What is really cool is that the men are not all 21 to 25 years of age. Mr. October 2008 (my birthday month) Frank Campailla is a 50 year old hard body who “enjoys working with wood.” No Comment.

The money raised from the sale of this beautifully morbid but intriguing pin-up calendar of hunky morticians will benefit the KAMM Foundation, which provides care and help for those going through breast cancer treatment. So if the treatments don’t cure the cancer could one of these beefy hunky morticians to do the work in his Pin Up attire? I’m just asking…

Also available: T-Shirts and DVDs



9) Barbie USB Drive

Rip the head off the cute Barbie doll, and plug her into your PC.


8) Microsoft's horrible "Office Online Gift Guide"

* Traditional calendars for Excel, $7.50
* Make Flash presentations in PowerPoint


7) Chicken Pox Buddy
One of the most cutest diseases is now a cuddly wuddly stuffed sleeping toy. Who wouldn't love to sleep with chicken pox?
http://www.giantmicrobes.com/us/files/images/productdetails/chickenpox.jpg

Giving it to someone that your not too close to? Even Better! Or you can give them the flu, not as pretty but he’s green!

Giant Microbes


6) The piece of jewelry that says it all. - The Stunning (Pepper Spray) Ring. From the website: a beautiful self-defense ring with pepper spray, offers safety, elegance and confidence close at hand. THE STUNNING RING, elegantly crafted in silver and gold plating with a genuine black onyx stone, is the perfect self-defense ring for women or men.

http://www.selfdefenseproducts.com/images/sdp/pepper/silverring.jpg


5) A framed Google Satellite map of their gift receiver’s house / apartment

I know exactly where you live, isn’t it cool! Look, in this picture it an even shows you sunbathing…
http://googlesightseeing.com/wp-content/ggssalex249.jpg



4) Pygmy Goat

From the website:
African Pigmy Goats are very small in size, averaging 15-20 inches tall at the shoulder. They provide small amounts of high quality milk but are considered a meat goat. Bucks are taller than does. The pygmy is small, cobby and compact and is not fine-boned like the dairy breeds or Nigerian Dwarfs. The head is dished-shape with medium-sized erect ears. They occur in a variety of colors, but most are grizzled colored. Muzzle, forehead, socks and dorsal stripes are all darker than the body and are shades of black or brown. This is one of the varieties of African Dwarf Goats, and it is very rare.

http://www.gotpetsonline.com/cgi-bin/Eware/view_ads.cgi?fcad_id=62524


3) Fetal Doll in Pink or Brown
http://www.birthsource.com/ProdImages/MOD00101.gif

I don’t think there is anything I could write that complements just how strange this is. The fact that this is not a gag gift is what makes it so strange and a bit creepy.

From the website: Includes realistically patterned and shaped placenta and cord, which has a snap fastener attachment to the doll.

Enough said.
http://www.birthsource.com/Scripts/prodView.asp?idproduct=139


2) Ugly Christmas Sweaters

http://www.inman.com/blogger/uploaded_images/uglysweater-782384.jpg

Please be kind don’t give a ugly Christmas sweater to someone you actually like.
If you don’t like them than this is a great website to purchase their “I hate you” Christmas sweater.







1) Costco Caskets

The Edward Casket
There is no scientific or other evidence that any casket with a sealing device will preserve human remains.