Online Humor

The crazy musings of what I think is funny!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Anther product of "why"?

Fake fruit and powdered milk - yum yum!

Cereal Straws? What? Are They Kidding?



Spice Girls - old Spice?

Generally, spices will not spoil, but they can lose their strength or potency. The only way to know for sure is to give them a test try. Unlike the spices rosemary or thyme you can't crush the Spice Girls and take a whiff... The only way thier former fans will know if their any good is by see what they do withtheir newly announced reunion tour.

Yep... the former vivacious Spice Girls announced they are reuniting for an upcoming tour. Spice Girls reunion gossip has apparently been swirling around for weeks. Sporty Spice helped fan the flames of the possibilities in the previous few weeks -- apparently.
  • Sporty Spice / Melanie Chisholm,
  • Posh Spice / Victoria Adams (married surname Beckham
  • Ginger Spice / Geri Halliwell
  • Baby Spice / Emma Bunton
  • Scary Spice / Melanie Brown

The Spice Girls' sexy charisma, modest musical talent, and powder puff "girl power" philosophy made them a pop phenomenon in the mid-1990s. Where have they been?

This month, a DNA test confirmed actor-comedian Eddie Murphy was the father of Scary Spice's baby and Ginger Spice has never announced who the father is for hers.

Girl Power!

  • Have a child out of wedlock without a stable career and only a short-lived celebrity history wearing skimpy outfits with a mediocre voice and singing about “giving everything all that joy can bring this I swear”

Meanwhile, Victoria Adams had a very short-lived music career and a bit part in the fashion industry -- but at least if her children were created and were born after she married.

Baby Spice (Emma Bunton) and Sporty Spice (Melanie Chisholm) have had mediocre music careers in the UK. Conversely, Emma Bunton (Baby Spice) announced her pregnancy last January. I’m now putting her down simply because she has been with her partner for eight years and it’s not a marriage certificate that stamps a commitment, it’s the people and their commitment t each other and their still together…

Girl Power wasn't exactly Anarchy in the UK, but at least it demonstrated that pop music can be used as a vehicle to transmit fun and flirty in a non-sexual gutter trash way. Ultimately that's what the Spices provided, a fun, brief pop one moment of the kind that is now lost in today’s music of “don’t you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me. “ Trying to recapture that moment makes about as much sense as their original fans attempting to be thirteen again.




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Wednesday, June 27, 2007

VEX – Slices & dices - will any fruit survive?

VEX hard lemonade launched a great and really fun online campaign that spoofs horror films to attract attention to its new killer (or in this case killed) strawberry-orange-banana flavor. The campaign includes a gallery and Sliced The Movie trailer.

Sliced The Movie - Review

The strawberry and banana consider taking their relationship to the next level... but we all know mixed fruit relationships are very difficult and almost never work. The strawberry's mother wants her to date a nice berry boy and the banana ghetto is always talking about his strawberry prize. In this case they never get to introduce each other to the families because strange things start to happen. Fruit start to disappear and are found pureed, juiced and grated! My favorite line comes when a kiwi locates a fellow kiwi and says, "we gotta split," only to find that the kiwi has already been sliced and diced.




More Products of Why? - Fat Lamp

Why was this created and who did they think would actually buy it? Us Americans are waaaaaaay too sluggish and fat.

"Hey honey! I just bought us a fat lamp! Just pour the fat from the stove into the lamp and we can read the TV Guide!"


I'm guessing it's some sort of social commentary that is supposed to make you go "hmmmmm fat lights up". The product is no longer called the Fat Lamp but Slow Glow. As the fat slowly melts (fat is solid when not heated just in case you didn't know in which case - don't ever try cooking on your own) the light becomes gradually brighter.

The product description page says "a great discussion piece and easily lends itself to artistic interpretation. for example, the slow glow lamp is sluggish and fat -representative of our current culture (at least here in the united states)." - Based in Amsterdam and Beijing

No finger pointing there!

Cost: $436.00
add to cart

Amsterdam and Beijing jokes anyone?

I looked around the Droog website... are they making fun of Americans or are they on hallucinating drugs?


What is this thing? It looks like a chair but it also looks like some wrapped thirty comforters with warehouse binding to save storage space.

…and this


Product Description:
With its shape, its grip is comfortable for anyone and because of the way it was made, the glasses make you want to stare at them and see what they can do.

What can they do unless your on hallucinating drugs. “Dude there’s a mermaid in my water.”


Here's one for Jerry Springer folks or for
most people in East Los Angeles, or Hollywood, Long Beach or San Fernando Valley -- pretty much all of Los Angeles County.

droog do hit chair

HEY! Some of us can read and speak in proper grammar! I bet you a 40 I cen do it.

Product Description:
Taking full control, the do hit chair is one that is custom made by letting the user smash it. the chair can be hit until you get the desired form. made of 0.04" thick steel and a hammer for your use, the do hit chair gives you control, and a chance to get out some anger, if needed. Cost: $250

Son of Sam
Product Description:
designed by marti guixe, 2000 for droog design. giving the user a black painted lamp, they are allowed to scratch anything they want into the surface, and that white section will provide them their light. do scratch gives a sense of personalization and is unique in its own right. carve a message to your sweetheart, or express yourself with your favorite phrase in light.



Cut up my charge cards will you! See how you like your garage tool rack as a chair! HA! Still laughing Mr. No Place To Put Your Tools Now!




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101 Dumbest Moments in Business


My Favorites

2. Northwest Airlines

And don't forget, you only need one kidney... In July, bankrupt Northwest Airlines begins laying off thousands of ground workers, but not before issuing some of them a handy guide, "101 Ways to Save Money."

The advice includes dumpster diving ("Don't be shy about pulling something you like out of the trash"), making your own baby food, shredding old newspapers for use as cat litter, and taking walks in the woods as a low-cost dating alternative.


21. FCC
Part of the FCC's new open-pants policy... For a Details magazine story about the most influential people in media, Federal Communications Commission chairman Kevin Martin poses for a photograph in bed - literally - with Alex Vogel, a tech industry lobbyist, and Eric Logan, an executive at XM Satellite Radio, which is regulated by the FCC.

25. BBC
Who's on first, what's on second, and some random Guy's on third...
In May the BBC invites IT expert Guy Kewney to its studios for an interview about Apple's iTunes Music Store. But when the cameras start rolling, BBC correspondent Karen Bowerman finds herself talking to the wrong Guy - namely, Guy Goma, a computer technician who was waiting in the lobby for a job interview.

Goma gamely tries his best, telling viewers that "if you can go everywhere, you're gonna see a lot of people downloading to the Internet and the website and everything they want."



27. RadioShack
From: RadioShack
To: RadioShack employees
Subject: Your former job

In August, RadioShack fires 400 staffers via e-mail. Affected employees receive a message that reads, "The work force reduction notification is currently in progress. Unfortunately your position is one that has been eliminated."

69. Royal Mail
Hang on -- that's not a lump of coal!
Great Britain's Royal Mail introduces a stamp that some believe shows Santa defecating into a chimney. The Church of England protests the series of stamps - not for their scatological drift, but for insufficient Christian imagery.


77. Bank of America
After Bank of America announces plans to outsource 100 tech support jobs from the San Francisco Bay Area to India, the American workers are told that they must train their own replacements in order to receive their severance payments.


99. Tesco

"Mom, Kelsey's hogging the stripper pole again!"
"Unleash the sex kitten inside ... soon you'll be flaunting it to the world and earning a fortune in Peekaboo Dance Dollars."

- From a product listing by $75 billion British retailer Tesco, plugging the $100 Peekaboo Pole Dancing Kit - which includes an 8.5-foot chrome pole, a "sexy dance garter," and play money for stuffing into said garter - in the Toys & Games section of its website.

After complaints from parent groups, Tesco decides to keep selling the item as a "fitness accessory" but agrees to remove the listing from the toy section.


100. Spin Master
Customers who bought the Peekaboo Pole Dancing Kit also purchased this item... Toymaker Spin Master releases the I-Tattoo, a $15 kit for kids ages 6 and up that features a "realistic, vibrating tattoo pen" and instructs youngsters to "get ready to 'get inked.'"


101. Hasbro
Customers who bought the Peekaboo Pole Dancing Kit and the I-Tattoo probably would've been clueless enough to buy this one too...
To compete with the spectacularly successful Bratz doll phenomenon, Hasbro unveils plans to launch the Pussycat Dolls, aimed at girls as young as 8 years old and modeled after the risqué, burlesque-inspired pop group of the same name.

(Yes, the "Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me" Pussycat Dolls.)

After protests by parent groups, Hasbro nixes the line.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

I love me!
  • I am important
  • I’m gorgeous
  • I’m clean!
  • I’m naked and I’m happy

Did your parents forget to give you that healthy scoop of self-esteem? Did the hundreds of therapy sessions fail to answer why you blame your mother for having her thighs? Fear not, the ‘I Love Me Shower Curtain’ has arrived to remind us all that we are naked and happy and gorgeous and cute and clean!

Need a chaser for your Prozac? Covered in positive affirmations, the colorful curtain is a great appetizer to your daily dose of Prozac.

Your showering mantra begins with the ‘I Love Me Shower Curtain.’

Available at Wrapables for $28.95 with matching ‘I Love Me Mirror’ for $19.99 (on sale)


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Monday, June 25, 2007

Why I Will Never Be Fashionable

Every Monday I try to cram in a week’s worth of research to keep me busy for the rest of the week. There’s never a lack of news, weird reports or gadget creations so I’m not really sure why I do it. I often forget that my eyes need a break from looking at a monitor for seven plus hours so I try to remember to leave the building if only for ten minutes if I don't want to leave for lunch.

Anyway, I work in a fashion galleria and of course the galleria has the over priced fashionable retailers. I’ve browsed the shops many times but I refuse to pay $75 for a Hipster disheveled shirt that looks like someone’s granny embroidered a skull and cross bones on the back so that her geeky granddaughter could be “cool”.

Lately I’ve passed one shop in particular has stripper clothes on the display mannequins. Isn’t there some kind of high fashion retail shop ideology code? Apparently not because the store display has dresses that even though gaudy, a trophy wife wouldn’t even wear. As a matter of fact, the only customers I’ve seen in the store lately are the 23 and under girls still spending daddy’s money. However, my eyes needed a break and I was curious to see what additional skank-wear was available for purchase.

I will never be fashionable.

The first top I came across was a plain jane boring blue halter top suspended with cheap engraved and laminated discs. Price $40. Than there was a dress that only an camera phone could truly do justice to the goddess of skank-wear. Like the boring tribal insult themed top, the dress was boring blue. In the chest area is a huge 'WWF winning match' belt sized silver colored medallion of a cheetah. It was held in several places by blue thread around the circular Grand Slam Champion look-a-like metal.

What has happened to fashion? It wasn't all that long ago that spending our extra precious $ on material goods such as a handbag, a watch or a necklace was item that you would wear for decades and pass on to children. However, disheveled hipster and skank-wear seem to be the ongoing fashion choice. Investing in material future loved heirlooms seem to be hopelessly old-fashioned, out-dated and putdown.

I went online just to see what would come up under keywords such as not fashionable… I’m always curious. This was one of the first Blog postings I found and to me is pretty much sums up my distaste for fashion & all that is designer.

I HATE fake clothes, purses, sunglasses and anything else that is fake...not only is it BAD FASHION...it supports child labor and terrorism...SO PLEASE do the world and yourself a favor...if you can't afford the real thing stick to what you can afford...or save up all the money you waste on fake items and buy the real thing...you may think it is "a good fake purse" and no one can tell...but you are wrong...I can tell...and so can all the others that HAVE THE REAL THING or have a clue about the designers...so please STOP making yourself look like a fool...you can still be cute and fashionable WITHOUT ALL THE FAKE IMITATIONS...and just a tip...REAL ITEMS CANNOT BE purchased on the corner, out of someone's trunk, at a purse party, or at the little stands in the mall...

Written by a 26 year old bottle blonde who lists her interests as Gangster Grill and ILLINI boys, decorates her MySpace profile in 14 year old pastel hearts and stars and list her heroes as "I'm not spoiled, I'm well taken care of." The truly terrifying thing is that she says she is studying for the Bar exam. She is going to be a future Mrs. with a law degree… I’m sure that looks fabulous on her dating resume. In addition, her profile pictures shows her in nothing but fashionable attire, all of which is designer.

Fashion has taken over everything and everyone. Babies now wear Hot Topic, corporate CEOs have 'Gone Green' and the plus size industry has moved into the disheveled cool look. Even geeks are cool with sleeker and more obscure gadgets. Yahoo's favorite pictures often include shots from the latest fashion show, why? How is the hideous new creation newsworthy?

Not being particularly fashionable, perhaps it is not my place to criticize, but when I see a fashion that is so bazaar or just plain ugly, I feel like the little peasant who notices that the emperor has no clothes. Clothing can be very sexy, but whatever happened to alluring?

The one thing I hate most about the fashion world is that it turns people like Paris Hilton into stars. She's built like a skinny little boy (as are many runway models), but alluring? Her nose is sharp enough to whittle wood with, and she has the eyes of a hamster (and the life as one). I know she has a lot of money, but so does J.K. Rowling, and nobody treats her like a sex symbol.


This picture makes the models look like they stepped off an airplane from a third world country. Is poor fashionable? If it is, maybe I still have a chance at being fashionable.

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Blendtec: Will It Blend?



It's one of those "you have to see it to believe it" sort of things.


From Laughing Squid..
Will It Blend? That is the question asked by Tom Dickson, CEO of Blendtec, about what their blenders can blend up. So far he has demonstrated that they can blend some pretty crazy stuff, including an iPod, cell phones, a full bottle of cream soda, two Barbies and a bunch of other things that are not normally blended.