Bonehead Award!

Why This guys should have went to college!

An Australian news service reports that a now former airport baggage handler in Melbourne Magistrates Court, has pleaded guilty to 110 counts of theft and stalking.

The bonehead “genius” is accused of taking head and pubic hair samples from women's bags while working as a sub-contractor for a company employed by Qantas to return lost luggage to its owners says local police who caught Rodney Lyle Peterson in an apparent hair net…

Police later searched his home and seized a computer, mobile phones, four more exercise books containing the personal details of 365 women, plus 80 labeled and seven unlabelled plastic bags containing human hair.

Technology Definitions

404, I haven't a clue

4G, Fourth Generation

Above The Fold, The term is used on the net to describe the top part of the page that the user can see without having to scroll down.

ADJACENCY, A property of the relationship between words in a search engine (or directory) query. Search engines often allow users to specify that words should be next to one another or somewhere near one another in the web pages searched.

ADN, Any day now

AFAIK, As far as I know

AFK, Away from keyboard

Aggro, Aggravated or Upset

Algorithm, A Set Of Rules That A Search Engine Uses To Rank The Listings Contained Within Its Index. No Search Engine Reveals How Its Own Algorithm Works In Order To Protect Itself From Competitors And Spammers

Algorithmic Results/Organic Listings, listings that search engines do not sell. Sites appear because a search engine considers the site to have important to be included without the exchange of payment. Paid inclusion content is also often considered "organic" even though it is paid for. This is because that content usually appears intermixed with unpaid organic results.

Any Key, when asked by help desk to press "any key" they mean press any key on your keyboard. There isn't a key that says
"Any" Such As ESC, Alt, Ctrl.

A-Yo, Greeting As In "Hey" Or "Whats Up"

B4N, Bye For Now

Backlinks (Inbound Link), All the links pointing at a particular web page. Also called inbound links

Back-Up, This is the activity you start doing on a regular basis after all your files have been accidentally erased or when your computer crashs and your asked told by Tech Support - "Did you back up your files to the server or on disk? We can retrieve them from there."

Badload, A Drunk

Badonkadonk, Used to described buttocks of exceptional quality and bounce.

Barney, An Unattractive Male.

BBL, Be Back Later

BEG, Big Evil Grin

BIOYIOP, Blow It Out Your I/O Port

Boot, Taking Out Your Frustration By Restarting Your Computer It's Being Annoying And So That You Can Tell Tech Support "Yes i've Already Tried Restarting My Computer And It Didn't Slove The Problem."

Word & Phrase Definitions

Caffeine, Rather It's Coffee Or Soda It's A Vital Ingredient In 97% Of Call Computer User's Daily Diet.

Client, A Computer, program or process which makes requests for information from another computer, program or process. Web browsers are client programs. Search engine spiders are (or can be said to behave as) clients.

Cloaking, The act of getting a search engine to record content for a URL that is different than what a searcher will see. Several search engines have explicit rules against unapproved cloaking.

CMO, Chief Marketing Officer

Contextual Link Inventory, Contextual or content inventory is generated when listings are displayed on pages of web sites (usually not search engines), where the written content on the page indicates to the ad-server that the page is a good match to specific keywords and phrases. Often this matching method is validated by measuring the number of times a viewer clicks on the displayed ad.

Conversion Rate, the association between guests to a web site and sales proceedings "conversion," or request to receive more information expressed as a percentage. If a web site has 50 visitors and 10 of them convert, then the site has a 20 percent conversion rate.

Cost Per Click (CPC) (Also Ppc - Pay Per Click), Advertiser pays an agreed amount for each time someone clicks on a link leading to their web site.

CPM, An advertiser pays an agreed amount for the number of times their ad is seen by a consumer, regardless of the consumer's subsequent action. Heavily used in print, broadcasting and direct marketing, as well as with online banner ad sales. Cpm stands for "cost per thousand," since ad views are often sold in blocks of 1,000. The m in cpm is latin for thousand.

Crawler / Spider / (Sometimes Called A Robot), Component Of Search Engine That Gather Listings By Automatically "Crawling" The Web. A Search Engine's Crawler (Also Called A Spider Or Robot), Follows Links To Web Pages. It Makes Copies Of The Web Pages Found And Stores These In The Search Engine's Index.

Delisting, When pages are removed from a search engines index. This may happen because they have been banned or for other reasons, such as an accidental glitch on the search engine's part.

Directories, A search engine where listings are gathered through human efforts, rather than by automated crawling of the web.

Dogpile, A Meta Search Engine.
Doorway (Or Gateway) page, a web page created expressly in hopes of ranking well for a term in a search engine's non-paid listings and which itself does not deliver much information to those viewing it. Instead, visitors will often see only some enticement on the doorway page leading them to other pages (example: "click here to enter)

E-mail Address
The new communication tool used to break up with your significant other.

FLOPPY
The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer and all of the nifty accessories and software.

Gigabyte, A Gigabyte (Pronounced GIG-A-Bite With Hard g's) Is A Measure Of Computer Data Storage Capacity And Is Roughly A Billion Bytes. Gigabyte Is A Value Of Space On A Computer Hard Drive

GMTA, Great Minds Think Alike

Go.Com, a portal partnership between infoseek and disney

Graphical Search Inventory, banners, and other types of advertising units which can be synchronized to search keywords. Includes pop-ups, browser toolbars and rich media.

HTML
enHanced Techniques Meeting Losers

Id Ten T Error, I D 1 0 T (Idiot)

Index, the collection of information a search engine has that searchers can query against. With crawler-based search engines, the index is typically copies of all the web pages they have found from crawling the web. With human-powered directories, the index contains the summaries of all web sites that have been categorized.

Jargon
Online slang written by teenagers that look like it came from anther planet.

Keywords (Search Terms), the words (or word) a searcher enters into a search engine's search box. Also used to refer to the terms a search engine marketer hopes a particular page will be found for. Also called keywords, query terms or query.

Landing Page, the specific web page that a visitor ultimately reaches after clicking a search engine. Marketers attempt to improve conversion rates by testing various landing page creative, which encompasses the entire user experience including navigation, layout and copy

Laptop, What dogs and cats call they're chair. A small portable computer that some people call a ball and chain or they're life.

Link Text, the text that is contained within a link. For example, search engine is a link that contains the link text "Search Engine."

Meta Description Tag, allows page authors to say how they would like their pages described when listed by search engines. Not all search engines use the tag.

Meta Keywords Tag, allows page authors to add text to a page to help with the search engine ranking process. Not all search engines use the tag.

Meta Robots Tag, allows page authors to keep their web pages from being indexed by search engines, especially helpful for those who cannot create robots.txt files. The robots exclusion page provides official details.

Meta Search Engine, meta search engine: a search engine that gets listings from 2 or more search engines, rather than through its own efforts.

Meta Tags, Information placed in a web page not intended for users to see but instead which typically passes information to search engine crawlers, browser software and some other applications.

Nemesis
The people who work in the IT Department and Help Desk Companies.

OBSOLETE
The computer you bought a week ago

OCR, Optical Character Recognition

Optimization, Changes made to a web page to improve the ranking of that page with one or more search engines. Optimization may involve design/layout changes, new text for the title-tags, meta-tags, alt- attributes, headings, and changes to the first 200-250 words of the main text. A large image map at the top of a page should be moved further down the page.

Organic Listings, listings that search engines do not sell (unlike paid listings). Instead, sites appear solely because a search engine has deemed it editorially important for them to be included, regardless of payment. Paid inclusion content is also often considered "organic" even though it is paid for. This is because that content usually appears intermixed with unpaid organic results.

Organic Listings / Algorithmic Results, listings that search engines do not sell (unlike paid listings). Instead, sites appear solely because a search engine has deemed it editorially important for them to be included, regardless of payment. Paid inclusion content is also often considered "organic" even though it is paid for. This is because that content usually appears intermixed with unpaid organic results.

Outbound Links, Links on a particular web page leading to other web pages, whether they are within the same web site or other web sites.

Paid Inclusion, Advertising program where pages are guaranteed to be included in a search engine's index in exchange for payment, though no guarantee of ranking well is typically given.

Paid Listings, Listings that search engines sell to advertisers, usually through paid placement or paid inclusion programs. In contrast, organic listings are not sold.

Paid Placement, Advertising program where listings are guaranteed to appear in response to particular search terms, with higher ranking typically obtained by paying more than other advertisers.

Pay-For-Performance, Term popularized by some search engines as a synonym for pay-per-click, stressing to advertisers that they are only paying for ads that "perform" in terms of delivering traffic, as opposed to CPM based ads, where ads cost money, even if they don't generate a click.

PEBCAK, Problem Exists Between Chair & Keyboar

Portable Computers / PDA Phones
A device invented to force employees to work at lunch, at home, while sick with the flu, on vacation, on business trips.

Position / Rank, How well a particular web page or web site is listed in a search engine results.

Query / Search Terms / Key Words, The words (or word) a searcher enters into a search engine's search box. Also used to refer to the terms a search engine marketer hopes a particular page will be found for. Also called keywords, query terms or query.

Rank / Position, How well a particular web page or web site is listed in a search engine results.

RC1, Release candidate 1 - the first release in a new software package

Realnames, An alternate website address system in operation at altavista.

Reciprocal Link, A link exchange between two sites.

Registration / Submission, The act to submitting a url for inclusion into a search engine's index. Unless done through paid inclusion, submission generally does not guarantee listing.

Robot / Crawler, A file used to keep web pages from being indexed by search engines. The robots exclusion page provides official details. Also - component of search engine that gather listings by automatically "crawling" the web.

ROI, stands for "return on investment" and refers to the percentage of profit or revenue generated from a specific activity. For example, one might measure the roi of a paid listing campaign by adding up the total amount spent on the campaign (say $200) versus the amount generated from it in revenue (say $1,000). The roi would then be 500 percent.

RSS, Acronym for really simple syndication - still in its infancy in terms of being a promotional/revenue generating strategy. Search engines such as yahoo, google & msn commenced spidering rss feeds; it's probably time to start examining and experimenting with rss web feeds now. Hink of it as a distributable "what's new" for your site.

RTFM, Read the f-ing manual

Search Engine, Any service generally designed to allow users to search the web or a specialized database of information.

Search Engine Marketing, The act of marketing a web site via search engines, whether this be improving rank in organic listings, purchasing paid listings or a combination of these and other search engine-related activities.

Search Engine Optimization (SEO), The act of altering a web site so that it does well in the organic, crawler-based listings of search engines. In the past, has also been used as a term for any type of search engine marketing activity, though now the term search engine marketing itself has taken over for this.

Search Terms (Keywords ), The words (or word) a searcher enters into a search engine's search box. Also used to refer to the terms a search engine marketer hopes a particular page will be found for.


SEMPO, Search engine marketing professional organization, a non-profit, formed to increase the awareness of and educate people on the value of search engine marketing.


SERPS (Results Page ), After a user enters a search query, the page that is displayed, is call the results page. Sometimes it may be called serps, for "search engine results page."
Shopping Search, Shopping search engines allow shoppers to look for products and prices in a search environment. Premium placement can be purchased on some shopping search indices.

Siphoning, The use of various means to steal another site's traffic.

Spider / Crawler / (Sometimes Called A Robot), Component of search engine that gather listings by automatically "crawling" the web. A search engine's crawler (also called a spider or robot), follows links to web pages. It makes copies of the web pages found and stores these in the search engine's index.

Splash Page, Similar to a gateway page but provides an initial display which must be viewed before a visitor reaches the main page. This usually acts as a kind of "opening title" sequence, and can be extremely annoying.
Submission / Registration, The act to submitting a URL for inclusion into a search engine's index. Unless done through paid inclusion, submission generally does not guarantee listing.

STATE-OF-THE-ART
The latest and greatest computer you can't afford.

The Long Tail, If you achieve good rankings on 2, 3 or even 4 semi-popular key phrase combinations, you'll most likely do very well in terms of traffic.

UG, "User group"

Unix, An operating system

Virtual Server, An account on a hosting company server, usually linked to its own domain. This provides an inexpensive way to run a web site with its own top level domain, and is usually indistinguishable from having a separate physical server, except that the virtual server may share an IP address with other virtual servers on the same machine.

VP of SE, Vice President of Search Engines

WWW
World Wide Wait

What Is Keyword Saturation?, Saturation levels do play a crucial role in the ranking of your pages. Opinion on keyword saturation is to aim for around 3 - 5%; but be cautious.

Wombat, Waste of money, brains & time

XML, Extensible markup language. A new language which promises more efficient data delivery over the web. Xml does nothing itself - it must be implemented using 'parser' software or xsl.

XML Feeds, A form of paid inclusion where a search engine is "fed" information about pages via xml, rather than gathering that information through crawling actual pages. Marketers can pay to have their pages included in a spider based search index either annually per URL or on a CPC basis based on an xml document representing each page on the client site.

XSL, Extensible scripting language - an xml style sheet language supported by the newer web browsers internet explorer 5 and Netscape 5

DAM

As I was driving to work this morning I noticed a painted wall advertisement that said

Dad And Me auto store

DAM

This could mean either good or bad depending on how you look it.

• Barrier – prevent a leak the cheap way and hope it doesn’t break any time soon
• Block - block the customer’s view from seeing the real damage
• Dam up - Dam it up as a temporary fix
• Blockade Actually fix the leak and prevent it from doing more damage

Either way it is nice to know that father and son (or daughter) are spending quality time together swindling in car repairs… or getting all greasy and actually fixing them.

Why This Man Needs More Education - Online Humor

We built this city not this person!

Oct. 17 - Blender magazine contributor Russ Heller may make a world famous list. In an attempt to set what could be listed on a world’s most lamest world records list, he listens to the song 'We Built This City' for twenty-four hours.

This odd feat might not find a place in serious world record books, but its supporters are optimistic that it would do very well in the roster of the world's "stupid records."

In the December issue of Blender, they will have a special section devoted to the world's stupid rock records and the magazine's editors are excited to have at least one record of their own -- Heller non-stop listening of the song ''We Built This City'' for twenty four hours.

Do Away With Doo - Doggie doo doo– Online News Humor

Doggy-doo on the streets of Berlin could become a thing of the past thanks to the invention of a new dog doo disposal system.

A German company has introduced a system to clean up dog waste in Berlin and hopes to sell it across the country and beyond.

So called "Dog Service Stations" by a Berlin based company the "Wall AG" contains folded brown paper bags. They allow dog owners to pick up their pets' waste without gloves and without having to touch it.

I watched the online advertisement and it was definitely amusing. The commercial shows dogs in a park and dogs walking up to the camera obviously showing that the main subject is about dogs. Than they cut to 1 second images of dog doo on the pavement. The next scene shows a dispenser and a man retrieving a brown paper bag and unfolding it this way and that to create a bad with spatulas on the sides. You turn the bag upside down slide the spatulas on the sides under the doo turn the bag upright and bam! No more dog doo on the payment. Now all they need to do is create the responsible dog owner to actually use the dispenser.

A Costly Mistake - Why Everyone needs an education - Humor

ALMATY (Reuters Online) - The Kazakhstan Central bank has misspelled the word "bank" on its new notes, officials said on Wednesday.

The bank plans to put the misprinted notes -- worth 2,000 Tenge ($15) and 5,000-Tenge -- into circulation in November and then gradually withdraw them to correct the spelling.

The move has drawn the ire of the Central Asian state's politicians who urged the bank to abandon the notes altogether. "The mistake ... is not just a spelling problem -- it has political undertones," a letter from members of parliament to President Nursultan Nazarbayev said. "We urge you to tell the National Bank not to put out the notes with a mistake in the Kazakh language." Language is a contentious issue in Kazakhstan.

Kazakhs were encouraged to speak Russian, which is written in Cyrillic script, during Soviet times but since independence in 1991, the country has seen the Kazakh language as a national symbol. On the new note, the word was written with an alternate Kazakh form of the letter K, which has a slightly different pronunciation.

"I'm selling my mummy"


PORT HURON, Mich. - Officials are trying to track down the origins of a mummified human skeleton that a Michigan woman tried to sell online at the web site eBay. EBay spokeswoman Catherine England said the posting was removed Wednesday because it violated a policy against selling human remains. The Web site allows the sale of skeletons for medical use, but not mummified remains. "There was a bid on it for $500 from `Satans Child," Porrett said.

Since I did The Worst Web Sites I figured I should also list the web sites that were awarded for The Best Web Sites by Time Online. Here are the ones I found most amusing and entertaining.

Best Web Sites: Blog

Overheard in New York & Overheard In The Office Amusing verbatim accounts of stuff people say to each other in public at the office. Be warned that the office Overheard is filled with profanity, stupidity or bigotry.

Bayraider
Lists all the EBay and items for sell from celebrities or models based on celebrities. They also list historical documents.


Best Web Sites: Lifestyle, Health and Hobbies

Food 411
A massive, searchable index of food related websites, information and resources. The lists where to buy online, whether you need particular item for cooking and a list of complete meals that can be delivered to your door.


I am not sure which list this should be but it made The Best so you can make up your own mind.

Dogster Friendesters for dogs
Each dog gets a home page with profile, photos and links to all his bitches and pals.
Had to be said.


Best Web Sites: News and Information

Identity Theft Resource Center
A must-read for consumers looking for tips on how to avoid trouble and what to do if the worst happens

Side Step
A travel search engine with a vacation packages search engine also available. Seat Guru provides detailed information such as amount of legroom for each seat, the location of video monitors and exits and whether there is a power port for your laptop nearby. The list goes by airline and type of aircraft. You can even mouse over icons on seating charts to see what they are like.

Complaints

Come here to rant about a product that did not stand tall to your expectations or when a product malfunctions or even that extremely rude Customer Service Rep. Check out what other people are saying.




"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."
Mark Twain

have a great job, I am a very lucky person even if my brain is starting to go on creative burn out. Thankfully, I believe that the World Wide Wtf? Will continue to provide me with things to write about. Such as the article by PC World titled The 25 Worst Web Sites.
I am a Libra and for anyone who has ever had the curiosity to look up what astrology sign means, you may know that Libras have a inexhaustible thirst of curiosity for ohhh what is that? I just could not resist clicking. I spend 75% of my life online so how could I not click the pretty red square box link? When the title The 25 Worst Web Sites jumped into view I just had to jump in and see.
Some things are left unseen and unknown just not for Libras.

Number 25 was award to Rent My Chest

That does not mean what I think it does, does it? It does. For just $20 he will paint your message or web site name on his chest and than scan it in high resolution and than you get to keep the 640 x 480 JPEG and use it any way you like. The cool aspect? He will write your message or web site name with a black, purple, brown, green, red, or blue markers.

Number 23 has been awarded to Inmates For You
Are you against the Dating Game? Than this site will convince you why it is ok to be picky about whom you go out with. The site will assist you in finding that special someone and ensure that you really get to know the person really well. Eventually the two of you may meet and realize that you two were meant to be together, even if you have to wait 13 years for their parole to come up.

Were you just dying to know who bought the "Holy Toast" That is the grilled cheese sandwich that looks like the Virgin Mary. Are you a Trekkie? Want to know who bought the kidney stone of William Shatner? It was Worst Web Sites winner number 21 Golden Palace Casino.

I guess it was just a matter of time.

Contestant number 14 is Bid For Surgery
Sadly, the site is exactly what it says it is. I took a look at the site and while the site looks professional, I am a reader and reading is what I did. The site is Priceline for cosmetic surgery.

NEXT

Number 11
This one puts a bit of fear in me in thinking what sites could be worse than Rabies for Kids?

My first thought when I saw the name was OMG (oh My God) no one would be dumb enough to give kids rabies would they. Thankfully I was definitely wrong. The web site is a branch of the Centers for Disease Control and is gluttony of graphical overload.
But Wait! It gets better! You will find not one not two but three pictures that will have you covering your mouth and skipping lunch for the day. In Activates all the kiddies will get to see the bran of a dog being sliced with a scalpel. As if you thought that was enough? With all of the education, they also get a Certified Rabies Smart Kid Certificate ensuring that you or the child you are not so fond of reads the entire site and can successfully answer all of the quiz questions correctly.

Number 10 is an honorable mention because it comes from my 2nd home of Seattle. My Lackey. This Seattle-based site offered to walk your dog, pick up your dry cleaning, and do all other manner of scut jobs for a fee. However, the infamous memo from the cofounder scolded all of the employees for not putting in 11 hour days and they went out of business 16 months later.

Number 1
After reading Rabies for Kids, it is taking me a while to actually click and find out who is number 1.
Must be brave
Breath breath



OK here we go.
Number 1 worst web site has been award to

My Space!

According to PC World Yes, we know. With more than 90 million users, My Space is now more popular than Elvis, "American Idol," and ice cream. But the Webs most visited destination is also the most poorly designed and counterproductive.


Just goes to prove yet again that some of the goofiest inventions make the most money.



"Please write again soon. Though my own life is filled with activity, letters encourage momentary escape into others' lives and I come back to my own with greater contentment."
Elizabeth Hailey, "A Woman of Independent Means"

Great America To Host Cockroach Eating Contest For Fright Fest

Six Flags Great America theme park guests will be challenged to consume Madagascar hissing cockroaches, for Six Flags Great America park advantage. The contest began last Saturday October 7 and will be held from 7 to 8 p.m. Fridays and 5 to 6 p.m. Saturdays and Sundays through October.

All park guests who have successfully completed of the deed will earn a free T-shirt and a strip of four Flash Pass tickets allowing three friends to jump to the front of the line at all rides through October 29, Six Flags spokesman Jim Taylor said. Who wants to sit in front of the successfully completed winners on the Superman-Ultimate Flight? That is the ride that speeds you through the sky at a high speeds.

As soon as the contest was announced People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) started calling all of the Six Flags Great America in order to present pressure in canceling the live cockroach-eating contest. However at the time of me writing this Wednesday, October 11, 2006 the contest is still being advertised on Six Flags Great America web site. Six Flags Great America is staging the contest as part of a promotion leading up to Halloween.

"Insects do not deserve to be eaten alive especially for a gratuitous marketing gimmick," said PETA spokeswoman Jackie Vergerio

On Oct. 13th, Great America plans to host an open-invitation attempt to break the Guinness world record for most Madagascar cockroaches (baked in this case, not live) eaten in a single minute. Madagascar hissing cockroaches are large, wingless cockroaches that can grow to between 1.5 to 3 inches. The record of 36 roaches has stood for the last five years. The current world record is held by Ken Edwards of Derbyshire, England, who devoured 36 Madagascar hissing cockroaches in one minute in 2001.

Six Flags Great America spokesman James Taylor said the only complaints they have received were from people who did not have the opportunity to sign up and eat a cockroach because only 12 of its 30 parks in the United States, Canada, and Mexico were participating in the promotion.

Taylor dismissed any health concerns, saying the cockroaches were raised in a sterile environment and were as safe to eat as shrimp or lobster with high nutritional value.

"Its something that is supposed to be scary, its icky, its gross, its Halloween fun and its just one small part of the haunted houses and thrilling rides going on."




"LEARNING, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious."

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914), "The Devils Dictionary", 1911

From the official Bonehead-Of-The-Day Awards

It has been reported that an eBay member happily won an Amazon.com gift certificate on EBay. What is bone headed about that? The winning eBay member paid $127.50 for a $100 Amazon.com gift certificate defeating the other eBay geniuses. If the winner is not currently employed he could be perfect for Government politics.

If you did not know that eBay sells Amazon.com gift certificates there is no reason to worry. There is currently (at the time of this writing) anther $100 Amazon.com gift certificate on auction and the current bid (at the time of this writing) is ONLY $92.50. Plus service fees, but who cares! You could be the next highest winning bidder and possibly receive a Bonehead-Of-The-Day Award too!

Winning Online Auction Bidder

From the official Bonehead-Of-The-Day Awards

It has been reported that an eBay member happily won an Amazon.com gift certificate on EBay. What is bone headed about that? The winning eBay member paid $127.50 for a $100 Amazon.com gift certificate defeating the other eBay geniuses. If the winner is not currently employed he could be perfect for Government politics.

If you did not know that eBay sells Amazon.com gift certificates there is no reason to worry. There is currently (at the time of this writing) anther $100 Amazon.com gift certificate on auction and the current bid (at the time of this writing) is ONLY $92.50. Plus service fees, but who cares! You could be the next highest winning bidder and possibly receive a Bonehead-Of-The-Day Award too!