Visual Comedian Artist

I believe the world needs a new career label. Instead of ‘Fashion Designer’ how about Visual Comedian Artist?

Visual comedian artists would bring acceptance to the unfashionable (such as myself). They would bring explanation to attainable bachelors that do not understand these crazy fashions but simply accept them as a way of life. But most important and best reason for the career title creation of a visual comedian artist is the potential to cure anger.

For who could possibly continue a serious argument with an adversary wearing a horse hat? Or a hat fashioned to the likes of an ashtray attached to one side of a young lady’s beautiful watercourse flowing blond hair?

Visual comedian artists would not only be a means of peace treaty but a valuable performance of lifelike art. Forget telling children about the birds and the bees, let them visualize the creation of life with clothing that allows the model to stretch and, conform and reach through the material like a tadpole turning into a frog.

As kids grow into maturity the lure of drugs is ever present seeking younger victims. Adults are constantly coming up with new, cooler hipper ways to delivery the message that drugs will kill your brain. City police have failed, celebrities are doing drugs themselves and the Just Say No campaign is an old 80’s joke. Visual comedian artists reach kids. They are the peer pressure of the world. Lets use them for good and use their comedian artistic abilities to tell kids that you can still look cool and pretend your a bad ass.

However, the Mohawk is often viewed as a more ‘boy’ thing to do and girls need the fashion coolness even more than the boys. So for them visual comedian artists can create and mix what girls love most --music and fashion.


Old LPs have already been used to make bowls, ashtrays, chandeliers and even handbags, they deserve a new life and life as a hat promoting fashion, hard-core beats and positive spirit is the way to go.


These amusing and often even beautiful pieces of wearable art have always been the custom of Fashionable Ladies. However, it’s time to throw open the Willy Wonka closet doors to all ages and status. The crazy creative and possibly drug induced artistic creations of runway fashions should be made available to all fashion worshiping folks. Why should only the fashionable ladies of Ladies Day at the Ascot Racecourse enjoy a burst of colors and imagination?

Those whose fashion vision has remained aloof to the upper crest will receive the devotion of low budget but fashion lovesick inhabitants. With the creation of the career title Visual Comedian Artist, fashion designer wannabes will find acceptance and a means of supporting their crazy creative and possibly drug induced artistic creations of runway fashions. In a world of conformity bring on the individuality to the months before and after October -- For Everyday Is Halloween for those who are artistically confident.

Call Me

Bar ditching just got a lot easier

Maybe this happens to more women than men -- but sometimes women give their phone number to a guy they think is really cute. Next thing you know the guy is calling you every day to "hook up". I remember going out with an acquaintance of mine one evening where she gave her number to a guy who seemed really nice and not bar creepy. Ten minutes after we left the club the guy called her and said how much he missed her and couldn't wait to see her again. I've also given my number to a guy and learned the 'nice guy' mask he wore hid a real jerk. After that I started giving out my email address. This puts the guy through the preliminary test:

1) Can he spell or use Spell Check

2) Does he own a computer and or know how to use one

3) What is his email screen name. If it's bigdoggy@, he gets deleted

Some people still like the old fashioned tradition of giving a phone number and I guess I can't blame them too much. Hearing someone's voice is more personal. With disposable phone numbers (the company is called numbr), you can give someone a phone number that will actually reach you. If s/he turns out to be something you would rather not know -- no problem you can 'expire' the number.

The company that offers the disposable phone numbers support 23 US cities, block telemarketers and allows for parental controls. Which is a nice feature because the parent can expire the number at any time or set limitations. Inbound calls to your number will be forwarded to your phone and then to your second optional phone.

In addition it lets you embed a link to your website allowing your blog or website readers to reach you without knowing your real phone number. If you are unavailable on both phone numbers, the caller can record a voice-mail, which will be sent to you via your e-mail. You don't have to be on-line to get a numbr! In a bar and need one? Simply call: (415) 234-5678 and get a numbr!

I checked out the site still thinking doubtful thoughts. I mean… how much is this going to cost me? How long is the registration that I just know is going to ask me for all of my information and possibly a DNA test…

Here’s how it works

Click on Get your free number

You choose

• When should we discontinue this numbr:
• Tell us where should we send your calls
• Don't accept calls from blocked Caller IDs - We will request your caller to call back with their caller ID enabled.
• Don't accept calls from suspected telemarketers
• Turn off call screening
• Email my incoming call history - We will email you daily call history on your email address.
• Do not disturb from 9PM to 8AM

Next

Congratulations! Your numbr has been activated.

For the next 1 Hour, calls received on 347 515 2036 x 503 will be sent to XXX XXX XXXX

If you get this within the hour give it a try - I won't pick up - but you'll have my phone number, for an hour at least.

Advice Column

I want to write an advice column just like Miriam

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Apple's New iPhone From: The Onion

Apple's New iPhone

Apple is set to release the much-hyped iPhone Friday, June 29.

Here are some of its most highly anticipated features (from Onion):

• Nanotechnology enables it to reassemble itself when thrown against wall
• Exclusive link to Google Street View so you can watch yourself using your iPhone at all times
• Takes Polaroids
• When moved from hand to ear, makes Lightsaber sound effects
• Prominent Apple logo
• Reproduces through asexual budding
• Has way, way more PRAM than the last thingy
• Comes with an iPhone hat, so people know you own an iPhone during the brief periods you're not using it

Cost: One to three of your paychecks (depending on what you do for work & where you live)

US City Has Put A Ban To The Sag

A town council in Louisiana has successfully made it a crime to expose your undergarments from the trousers.

As much as I am happy to see someone stand up to ridiculous fashions such as showing ugly boxers I don't know if I can support a ban that serves six months of imprisonment or a fine of $500 if caught sagging and showing the undergarments.

Some call it a racial discrimination against black people but Mayor Carol Broussard denied this and said, even “white people wear sagging pants, too. And it’s about showing off your underwear in public.” Personally, I just say it's fugly! Now sagging will be even more popular. You would have thought that boxer fashions would have skyrocketed – Sadly that is not the case -- people and men especially still wear fugly underwear.

Come on guys, learn from us ladies... If your going to show your boxers at least spend a few extra minutes showing something that are amusing to see. How about some nice Square Sponge Bob underwoos?