Online Humor

The crazy musings of what I think is funny!

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Resistance Is Futile



I do not need to adapt to new technology because technology has nothing new to offer. That is an irresponsible and ridiculous system of thinking. Technology is ever changing, it's limitless. To think that someday technology will just stop, is no less primitive than thinking the world is flat and if we walk too far, we'll fall off the Earth.

Before 1994 yahoo was something you yelled when riding a mechanical bull or playing cowboys with your neighborhood friends. Now Yahoo means search engine, search index and millions of advertising dollars. In those text-based website days Amazon, Google and eBay didn't exist. According to the Pew Internet & American Life Project, less than one in seven Americans were online in the year of 1995.

The World Wide Web has transformed the way people live, work, learn and play. With websites such as Traffic . com»», commuters can look up the most current traffic situations from nearly any location in the US.

Modern day technology has made higher education obtainable. Twenty years ago it wasn't very likely that a full time working employee or a stay at home parent would be able to obtain an higher education. However, in our current day, online degrees are flexible and accessible and are just as valuable as the face to face physical college experience.

Online Schools»»

The medical profession continues to transform itself, generation after generation. New methods of diagnosis and treatment continually expanded healing powers. Vaccines have been developed to prevent fatal diseases. Cat or CT Scans (computed tomography) has become a significant tool in medical imaging to supplement X-rays and medical ultrasonography in preventing and diagnosing a variety of diseases.

Technology has introduced exceptional products and advancement into our daily lives. Whether we're traveling to anther country, or participating in an online game and chatting with a teammate in New Zealand. To think that technology can not progress any further is irresponsible and a prehistoric way of thinking. Technology has already created costumed designed pets.

Ask yourself:
How far are we from the mass production of sales for technology created, full size pets and how long will it be before they out number organic pets?

Technology is ever changing, it's limitless and although we are many years away from commuting in a flying care, Moller international has designed and created the skycar named Moller M400.


Video Game Tester Jobs

Friday, April 20, 2007


Cyclists going nowhere on 15ft path


But cyclists in Oval Road, Camden, have been baffled by an apparently pointless lane, just 15 ft long. It offers just a few seconds of safety, before, with another pedal-push, riders are once again on the same road as cars.

The lane is said to have been painted by accident – however that happens, it looks like it takes some skill to create the little laid-down bicycle, complete with handlebars, seat and pedals – by Camden Council.

Cyclist David Jones, from Archway, said: "It's the sort of stupid thing the council would do. It's just crazy – what a waste of money. It's a useless little strip in the road." The council, which had no knowledge of the pointless path, didn't even know it was there, until it was shown pictures.

A council spokeswoman said: "This marking was put down in error after the road was resurfaced many years ago and, while it has caused no problems, we will now get it removed as soon as we can." She added she was not sure how much the work would cost.




Buddhist monks turn streetfighter

Metro


Two opposing groups of Buddhist monks engaged in a street fist fight on Friday, during a protest in Cambodia to demand religious freedom for their fellow monks living in southern Vietnam.

Lim Yuth, a 23-year-old monk, suffered a cut on his left eyebrow during the brawl, but it was not immediately clear what caused the injury.

Lim Yuth was among some 50 monks who marched through Cambodia's capital, Phnom Penh, to voice their grievances over alleged mistreatment by Hanoi authorities against Cambodian Buddhist monks in southern Vietnam.

As the march took place on Friday morning, a different group of six monks confronted the protestors. The groups clashed in an outbreak of fisticuffs, which also involved some of the protesters throwing water bottles at the second group of monks, according to witnesses.

It was not immediately apparent what the motivation of the other monks for the confrontation was, or if they were acting on someone else's orders.

Hanoi permits only a handful of state-sponsored religious organisations to operate in Vietnam, which has led to clashes with some religious groups, including Buddhists.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Hybrid Animals

I’m not sure why people would want to hybrid most animals, but they exists and while a lot are slightly disturbing but interesting, it’s also a bit amusing to see the results.

Wolphin
A wolphin is a rare hybrid formed from a cross between a bottlenose dolphin and a false killer whale. There are currently only two in captivity at the Sea Life Park in Hawaii. A wolphin's size, colour and shape are intermediate between the parent species. The first captive wolphin was Kekaimalu, which shows mixed heritage even in its teeth: bottlenose dolphins have 88, false killer whales have 44 and Kekaimalu has 66.


Savannah Cat
The savannah cat is a new and still fairly rare exotic cat breed that is the result of a cross between an African serval and a domestic cat. Savannah cats typically grow to weigh 25-30 pounds, which makes them as large as many domestic dogs.

The coat of a savannah depends a lot on the breed of cat used for the domestic cross. Early generations always have some form of dark spotting on a lighter coat, and many breeders employ "wild"-looking spotted breeds such as the Bengal and Egyptian Mau for the cross to preserve these markings in later generations. The savannah can have a tan coat with black or brownish spots, or a silver coat with dark spots, a marble (also called classic) pattern, and many other patterns and colors, although The International Cat Association (TICA) breed standard calls for black, brown spotted tabby, silver spotted tabby and black smoke types only.

Pink Featherless Chickens


"The new chicken would be lower in calories, faster-growing, environmentally friendly, and more likely to survive in warmer conditions, claims Avigdor Cahaner of the Hebrew University of Jerusalem."
- New Scientist


Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Rocky Nook & 1 Up On Mother Nature

Going through downtown Santa Barbara took all morning and I still had the old Santa Barbara mission, Rocky Nook Park and more coastline waterfront to too explore and I had to remind myself that daylight playing hours were ticking by.

Before touring the old mission, I discovered a tucked away park nearby and decided I couldn’t possibly forgo my thirst of adventurous curiosity. Rocky Nook Park is a blast and as I always am, I was 100% not prepared. It's 19-acre of mostly oak and sycamore trees overlooking Mission creek. However, creek is a slightly diminutive word in describing the "creek". There were rocks to huge boulders of every shape and size sleeping among the length of the river just waiting to be climbed; so I did...


Unfortunately I took only two pictures of Mission Creek and only one came out clearly. This is a picture of the creek heading south. Looking upstream, there's a small waterfall and some of the boulders are much larger. I spent about an hour or so zig zagging from one side of the river to the other; climbing rocks, hopping from one slippery stone to the next and trying to figure out the next best stone to step onto so that I would fall into
specific position of the creek where the water was a few feet deep.

Not too long into my silliness, anther rock jumper / climber warned me about some poison ivy on the sides of the creek. If anyone was to find it, we all know it would have been me... Ha! Beat that time Mother Nature didn't I? {Raspberry}

Rocky Nook is an incredibly peaceful and rustic park with winding trails throughout the small area with secluded benches and BBQ pits. Most times you forget there are other picnickers, climbers and trail hikers in the surrounding area. Once I started to get tired of climbing and the thoughts of how embarrassing it would be to hurt myself on the rocks... again… crawled into my mind and I decided I was ready for some down time...

“Right after I see what is at the end of this trail.” Than I stopped for lunch. The adventure is always better than the destination. As with life as is true for the trail.

Santa Barbara Old Mission can not be described in 3 paragraphs or less. So, I’m leaving off here and will pick up tomorrow with many pictures.

Changing Your Truth

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Downtown Santa Barbara
Continued from: I'm not that cute



The weather was still a bit overcast, but I wasn't going to let a silly thing like weather stop me so I just threw on a tank top under a knit beach dress and than went in search for breakfast. After almost forty minutes of searching for a simple breakfast and finding only gourmet seafood dishes, I opted for coffee café cuisine.


During "breakfast" I chatted with locals lea
rning disappoints of some recent corporate plundering of local panache as well as some local secrets and tourist trap information. By the time we were done, the sun finally came out and provided me with the weather I was hoping for. I spent the next eight plus hours window-shopping, treasure hunting, exploring, rock climbing, sight seeing, locals chatting and drum dancing riding the beach trams (half of the time) from point B (beach) to point T (tourist scenery).

Santa Barbara Courthouse
The Santa Barbara courthouse is a magnificent Spanish-Moor "palace" built in 1929.
The architecture and extremely detailed interior décor of
hand-painted ceilings, wrought iron entryways and chandeliers with spiraling stair cases, floor to ceiling murals and imported tiles gives the feel that the courthouse is much older than it's 78 years.


In addition, the courthouse is fully functional where lawyers and judges conduct typical M-F proceedings. Ascent to the tower of the courthouse and you'll be awed by the 360° view of the city, mountains and the ocean; from what I'm told, you can see clear through to the islands on transparent airy days.

After fully exploring the courthouse (and a few areas I accidentally forgot to see the 'Employees Only beyond this rope' signs) I was walking alongside the courthouse seeing the surrounding gardens when Hope literally fell into my hands. Event workers were preparing the grounds for the Easter Ceremony and dozens of flag stands lined the street surrounding the courthouse. As I was walking by, a flagpole tipped over directly in front of me forcing me to catch Hope. Sign from above?


Inspiring Teenagers


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Real News - Real Wallys

You know your a Wally when: You shoot your friend instead the cow while "Cow Huntng".

You know your a Wally when: Your asked to paint (or repaint) yellow parking lines designed to show people where to park i.e. within the yellow markers and you paint a 18-inch yellow line where only one wheel of a tricycle would fit.

You know your a Wally when: You shoot a 4 inch nail into your skull. You know your a super dumbass when You complain about a severe headaches to emergency room doctors and they reveal that you have been carrying the 4 inch nail in your skull for four years.

You know your a Wally when: You wear catwalk fashions. Don't try this at home - Models show bathing suit "accessories" from the fashion designer Algirmiro Palencia of Venezuela. A hair piñata and Rio de Janeiro fisherman's viel.



You know your a
Wally when: You take your girlfriend shopping with her pet duck - than go into the store next to the store your girlfriend and her duck is shopping to shop lift iPod speakers…get caught, run into the store for the car keys from your girlfriend, try to escape, knock over your girlfriend with your car, almost run over the duck, escape your dumbass created chaos only to hit a car in your 'get away' flight …

The other dumbass is that someone recognized this as a News Breaking Story in Snohomish County and appropriately named the story
"Duck emerges victorious from car incident" I need a chocolate martini!

Not quite dumbass, but funny
.


"I fell in to a burning ring of fire
I went down,down,down

and the flames went higher."

- Johnny Cash 'Ring of Fire'


One of Japan's leading toilet makers has been forced to offer free repairs to 180,000 of its hi-tech lavatories, after three of them caught fire. The hi-tech lavatories made by top manufacturer Toto Ltd. - burst into flames following faults with their electronic bidet accessories, but a further 26 started smoking.


"Fortunately, nobody was using the toilets when the firse broke out and there were no injuries - The fire would have been just under your buttocks," spokeswoman Emi Tanaka said reassuringly.

Monday, April 16, 2007

I'm not that cute


Sometimes you just need to run away for the week... and that's exactly what I did when I went to Santa Barbara; a much-needed mini vacation. Without anything other than the stuff already in my SUV (thankfully I had my clean laundry with me), I drove over to Rite Aide, picked up a California map and decided I was going to Santa Barbara simply because it existed, because I had never been there before and because Santa Cruz was too far.

As soon as I hit Oxnard, I think I finally allowed myself to take a breath. I was finally out of fake Hollywood condemned Hell. The evening drive prevented me from seeing the coastline; but I could smell the ocean once 101 veered into Ventura.


If you drive past Santa Barbara on the 101 (also known as El Camino Real at this point), 101 will lead you right into a series of S curves through Gaviota State Park. If you love to drive through almost empty mountain hugging roads and with music at volume (don't even bother trying to talk), you'll love the El Camino Real. The curves hug monstrous size mountain peaks where there is no place to pull over and wimp out. So you either turn up the volume and enjoy or you move over to the right safety lane and let us that do love it, enjoy it.


Once I had driven through the Gaviota State Park S curves, I knew I had gone past Santa Barbara and was seriously considering Santa Cruz again, however, I ended up heading back to Santa Barbara. The drive south through El Camino Real is just as thrilling and yet completely different that the north direction.

After driving through sleepy closed up Santa Barbara hollow a little past midnight, I finally decided to get a good night's sleep.



The next morning was a bit of a disappointment. I was hoping to wake up to a glorious sunny morning and instead, it was overcast and a bit clammy. Before breakfast, I went to the beach; as I was sitting outside brushing my hair, a Parks & Recreation Ranger approached me and we chatted for a bit. At one point, as I was brushing my hair, I noticed he was looking at my t-shirt. Curious, I looked down and remembered that I was wearing my 'Cute but psycho' bunny t-shirt…which I impishly looked back at the ranger and replied, "I'm not that cute". For the length of a heartbeat the Ranger had a perplexed look on his face and than let himself laugh. Than he directed me to where I could hopefully find breakfast.

Continued: Downtown Santa Barbara




Professional Hobos