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Why education is a good thing

Orange County, Florida
Home to all of America's greatest dumbest criminal masterminds.

According to local police, the man – now identified as James Taylor – walked into a Bank of America branch located inside a grocery store, and showed the cashier a note and a gun, concealed inside a newspaper.

His robbery successfully completed, the robber walked outside, drove across the street, changed his shirt and went into a restaurant for a beer…presumably to celebrate his successful strategy.


However, a customer who was in the store at the same time as the robbery and was in Taylor’s bad luck -- directly behind him at the time of the robbery watched him leave and enter Giovanni's restaurant. The celebration ended early when the customer than called the police.


Scrap metal recycling is not this profitable.


According to local authorities, 18-year-old Damion M. Mosher who recycles scrap metal for a return of approximately $1.70 per pound. Unfortunately, he’s perfectly sensible irrational plan to get the shell casings off live bullets wasn’t well thought out and went off with a BaNg!

He placed live bullets in a vice, putting a screwdriver on the primer and hitting them with a hammer to get the shell casing off until one finally went off, leaving him with a bullet embedded half an inch into his abdomen.

Amazingly, Mosher had already emptied about 100-bullet in this method until I can only assume some higher deity decided he needed a good lesson in logical thinking.

Sorry, but Mosher is no Darwin winner. The scrap metal recycler of Lake Luzerne, New York, was treated in hospital and released.


Hissed Off Student

Even geese don’t like lawyers…

Final year law student Sam Rozati was walking home through the campus, past a lake at Essex University in Colchester when four bully geese decided to have a little fun with the student. In the moment of surprise Rozati dropped his cell phone in fright and one of the birds ran off with it in its beak.

“They flew over and started biting my hand until I dropped the phone. I've never been mugged by anyone before, but now I've been mugged by three geese,” said the 23-year-old.

Since the phone was set on Silent, he has been unable to locate the phone. The nationality of the geese is not noted, secret sources say the geese were probably of Romanian gyspy origin… J/K

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How to Survive an Encounter with Crocodile or Alligator

For whatever reason I seem to always have strange summer wildlife encounters. Considering that I will be going to Florida this summer I thought the wikiHow article would be a useful tidbit of knowledge. How to Survive an Encounter with Crocodile or Alligator

If anyone can dispute this, definitely let me know. I almost expect a picture of me standing in front of a Florida sign that says Beware of Alligators as an alligator is walking up behind me.

Stay away from infested waters. - It's especially important that you avoid entering the water at dusk or at night, when the animals are harder to see and when they most actively hunt.

Sounds pretty sensible… The guide says that I should ask local residents about the presence of crocodiles or alligators in lakes and rivers… Well there goes that midnight swim in the swamps.

Be aware of your surroundings. If you're going to be in or around water in an area where crocodilians roam, it's imperative to remain vigilant at all times.

I guess that means I need to wear my glasses and if I am not wearing my glasses I should not approach small but lengthy hairless creatures. Check!

Stay at least 15 feet away from alligators or crocodiles.

Ahhhh come on! It’s Florida, I just gottta get a picture of a Florida alligator or crocodile!

Avoid surprising the animals. - make noise by slapping the water with your oars when boating or blowing a whistle

Run away from the animal. Fortunately, crocodilians rely on the element of surprise to capture prey, so it's extremely unusual for one of these animals to pursue a person on land.

Ahhhh sorta like meat market creepy males… I run from them too.

The land speed record for a crocodilian is about 10 miles per hour (about 17 kilometers per hour) and these animals quickly grow tired when running on land, which means that as long as you can see it coming, any teen or adult in decent shape can easily outrun one of these animals.

…. Mace: Check!

Fight back if you're attacked. Crocodilians frequently deliver a single, quick defensive bite and then immediately let go. If this occurs, just try to get away from the animal as quickly as possible.

In predatory attacks, however, as well as in some defensive attacks, the animal doesn't let go and will often try to drag a person into the water or underwater.

Crocodilians can stay underwater for much longer than humans can, so the only hope of survival if you're attacked in this manner is to fight back and get away. Simply struggling and trying to pull free is usually futile and may induce the animal to go into an underwater death roll, during which an arm or leg stuck in the crocodile's mouth will likely be ripped off. A purposeful, deliberate attack on the animal is therefore a better option.

Go for the eyes. A Florida teenager recently escaped an alligator that had dragged him into the water by jamming his thumb into the alligator's eye.

Go for the nostrils or ears. While not as sensitive as the eyes, the nostrils and ears can be effectively attacked. A hard blow or a cut to either of these areas may cause the animal to release you. Many people have been saved from a crocodile's or alligator's jaws when other people have hit the animal's snout with a pole or club.

Well… Maybe I don’t need that alligator / crocodile picture. I’m sure the tourist attractions have cardboard cutouts.

Go for the palatal valve. If your arm or leg is stuck in a crocodile's mouth, you may be able to pry this valve down (flap of tissue behind the tongue). Water will then flow into the crocodile's throat, and animal will most likely let you go. Hard strikes to this valve may also cause the animals to release you.

Ummm right

Get medical attention promptly. A crocodilian's mouth harbors a tremendous amount of bacteria, and infection is almost guaranteed if a bite is not treated promptly.

Yea… cardboard cutout of an alligator or crocodile is going to work just fine.

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